Arranged Marriage - The Poker Of Real Life

The Poetry Of Hate, Fate & Soul Mate !

Life Partner : The term itself comes with enormous voltage and baggage with it. Unlike any other partnerships like school days chemistry lab partner, gaming partner, college canteen partner or a business partner this whole partnership is very different and it needs to come with a lifetime warranty & guarantee period. A split here calls for a split in your life processing. The very idea to get married to someone is soo complexed in this phase of arrange marriage, that for some this works like a fairy tale & for some like a troublesome sail !
According to me, you must first like somebody without any underlying pressure of commitment & then get married to them as a validation to your liking. Unlike in arranged marriages where you're told to fall in the pool and then on mandatory basis you learn to swim ! You cant start loving someone because now you are married to them. That's soo like driving a car in the reverse gear all your life !
When i say arranged marriages are themed on poker, im just making a metaphor that hit me right while watching the game one fine day !
You play a blind game on your cards, trusting your luck thereby investing money and at the end of the game you either loose (only money) or win (again only money) so quite beneficially in poker only something materialistic is at stake !
While when this same protocol is run through the marriage story, you're playing blind on the opposite person, investing probably (you're entire life) and if you're lucky enough on the game, you win (a life full of peace & content) or you loose ( probably something i wish nobody ever should ) !
Talking about the Luck-Factor let me tell you i have never won a single game of housie also in my life to the extent that i have stopped buying the tickets now . But then Cèst La Viè ( Such Is Life ) as they say & now so do i believe !

Recipe Of A Life Partner :

When i say this, i will firstly emphasize on
How to first be a person you are seeking out in your counterpart.
We all look for that perfect match which we probably never find and why is so ?
Because its all about finding your compatible jigsaw piece ! If we just start being the one we are looking out for, there are two things that can happen -
1. You actually create one such ideal person in yourself that you have been lurking out for in the opposite gender.
2. You understand that its very difficult to be perfect because we all have flaws which we dont see & if we see we aren't ready to accept it if its coming from the opposite person.
Being a doctor, let me give some importance to my primary education here - when a person has jaundice that person sees everything yellow, quite a layman terminology ! Im sure you guyz dont want me to actually explain the patho- physiology of liver bilirubin levels going up and down causing jaundice due to various trigger factors and i can write half a book explaining that but most of you might shut the book there & then !
The point i want to make here was when you actually like someone, you can justify their wrong to right and imperfections to being your acceptable perfection! Why so ? Because here you have laid down your defences against him or her and you dont hold any ego terminals towards them. You see everything only rosy coloured and hence you self create a state of delusion in which you make them the hero of the story & then as i told you the hero can never go wrong ! According to me, this process of blending into each other has to be very effortless like a cake mix - supple & smooth & not like a dosa batter gritty & gooey ! (Whoever felt my metaphor sense rocks - i agree & whoever felt it sucks - i dont disagree)
Lets draw some homely examples and go away from builiding castles in the air :
How some of us spend a lot of money on buying some luxurious brands of clothes but at times inspite of it technically being all perfect we may not find it comfortable or may keep pointing out to some or the other things just to keep away from using it. On the other end we all have that one ragged nightwear we can never let go off even though its has surpassed its limits of being usable but we still have some coze to it and no matter what people may say or think, when you need to feel home, you may just pick that one rag of love and leisure ! Now that is exactly what happens when we decide onto the one we want to get married to ! The chemistry & comfort of ragged love is what i would call it ....
You have to have that immense amount of comfort "WITH" that person as well as "IN" that person & thats when it works the Bingo Match for you !

SOME EXCERPTS FROM MY JOURNEY -

I had started my journey way back in 2018 while i had just finished my graduation.
I had no clue of how things work in this panel of life unlike most of you. I was 25 then and what was of utmost importance at that moment were things like holding a distinction in college grades, chilling with your buds post college, opening zomato 5 times a day, snapchatting half of your life, aimlessly sitting in the college canteen with friends discussing almost everything unimportant, spending half of your life in train listening to music & at times just pausing the music to think what do i want to do ahead..... and just after a pause going back to playing the music because we all want to escape everything that can re-place us from our comfort zones ( something i learned from my psychology books ).
The years from 23-29 are a tender point of your life in which you have to manuever your destiny and fate keeping your social butterfly muscles at bay with your speeding life.
You're supposedly young and mature both at the same time in these semi youth years and your foresight & hindsight both are expected to function in syncronocity.
Multiple things are happening at multiple planes inter twinning with your cosmic energies wherein you're not allowed to confuse one brick of wisdom for a cathedral of knowledge you have been gathering in your life all this while, in terms of your constructive career and personal space both.
I started meeting prospecetive grooms and little did i know to what i was entering into - The Bold Fonted Epiphany Of Life !
I was never comfortable with the idea of meeting someone for few hours, few times a month & deciding on for a lifetime of accompaniment. Ironically we take more time to make friends than we do in selecting our life partners.
Most of the people usually misconceptualize attraction for love and superficial connectivity for compatibility. But also on this point i would like to confess that people who try to understand life and its philosophies less, slide through it quicker, if not better ! Its upto you too select which side of the two matches your inner spirit and vibe.

"Sometimes i feel if mental exercising would work in place of physical exercises we all would have been fitness goals to die for ! "

In this entire process of man hunt one thing I realized was -

" Its not that you're suddenly turning into a misanthrope, it's just a face off which heightens your search for secure land admidst your own stormy feeling by adding a dash of poetry whimsy or inspiration into how you converse and take things ahead "

Its was as simply complicated as what i wrote !

Nobody was good or bad, everyone was just a stranger finding a familiar stranger for themselves. Ahh - wish everything that was written in our destiny had some spoilers !( these untold mysteries have its own connotations to unfold )
There is a softening of your stance, but then you begin to understand that although personal boundaries are good, barriers can be isolating - Phew !! Man can we all just be in college forever.
The most durable structures must be flexible enough to respond to environmental stress without loosing integrity - A Man's Note !
Your malleability allows you to absorb & adapt to the unexpected impact the nature puts you through - A Woman's Note !
The gist here to summarize is -

" Trust that all of life is not luck & liquor, make a wish everyday, as on some pages god has written that you are your today's plan maker "

PS : Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus
But eventually they both lived a
" Happily Married Ever After "
Only on Earth !

The journey is still on without its destiny yet. I will surely introduce all the readers to him once i find him someday. Probably he is geographically challenged just like me to have lost his way towards me but we will appear again on a sequel to this book with all the updates & that will be the closure to my mystery!

Love is the only thing that cannot be ordinary,
I hope he will be everything EXTRA to my ORDINARY.

Special Thanks :

* All the prospective men ive met.
* Starbucks
* Barista
* Tea Villa
* Aroma Cafe
* Radha Krishna
* Bougainvillea
* My Patience Level
* My Family & Friends
* My Future Husband for being late

- Author
Dr. Megha Shah !