Writers block

What I could be and what Im not

I could be worse.
I could have just let you ruin me from the inside out.
I could have allowed the drugs to take over me and form me into the person I was turning into..
I could have become much more of a bitch that I'm not today.
I could have been the snake you are today.
I could have hurt many more people by pushing them out instead of letting them in.
I could have stayed quiet.
I could have let the devil in and killed the only good angle that's keeping me alive now.
I could have become the addict like everyone said I was.
I could have become many things but I didn't.
I could be a lot worse than what I am today...
I could have let my insecurities eat me up everyday and worry about what others say.
I could have given into the temptations of hitting up the connects I have for what could be my taps. What could be my highs... what could be my way out...What Could Be My Escape.
But it's Not.
I could be a lot worse than the person I am today but I'm not and I more happy with who I've become than who I could have been. And no one can change that
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I've been thinking a lot.. I lost a friend of mine earlier this week and lost something that was mine the week before... I've looked back on what I've done in the past and how I would have reacted vs how I've done recently and the growth I've had is something I never though I've had... I'm proud with myself and proud to know that I've become something better, something no one can change but myself because it's my life not anyone else's. I know I have deleted my old entireties about my life from the past but I'm glad I did... I don't need to reread the past and go through the hurt over and over again. As we all should. To keep looking forward and to ignore all the hateful things people say about you. Yes it's hard in the moment, but when the time comes you'll be inspired to be a better version of yourself. You'll be the one everyone wants to be because you're someone no one can be.