All My Uncles

Mommy and Daddy we're the first to get married

Amongst their shared group of friends

Most of Daddy's friends were still quite childish

Living their lives at loose ends

After the wedding his friends couldn't believe

Just what in the world he'd said

Only 10 months after the wedding had occurred

I was born on a hospital bed

Maybe you think Uncles don't help

That they're all full of bad advice

They certainly can be questionable decision makers

But my Uncles more than suffice

Since I've been home I have met many of my "Uncles"

Though I'm not sure I'm related to them at all

Here is a rundown of a few of my favorites

Who visited before I could crawl

First is my Uncle who's known as the risk-taker

Daddy says he lives at full-throttle

He loves to "cheers" me every chance that he gets

But I don't think it's milk in his bottle

Next is my Uncle who rides a motorcycle

And wears a leather jacket with flames

He's with a new "auntie" every time that I see him

It's hard to remember their names

Then there's my Uncle who's quite a bit nervous

He's always been somewhat of a crier

Picking me up is out of the question

Maybe he needs my pacifier

Let's not forget my most distracted of Uncles

Who rarely looks up from his cell

He even fell asleep while watching me once

Maybe it was his nap time as well

One of my Uncles has less hair than I do

But he acts less mature than he looks

So Daddy invites him over each weekend

To read me my new picture books

My hipster Uncle has already found his calling

He certifies products as organic

He's quick to question the "safety" of my food

Causing my parents to panic 

We all have an Uncle who is the life of the party

He just got back from the Bahamas

He tells embarrassing stories of Daddy from college

When my Mommy takes me to put on my pajamas

Last but not least is my Uncle the millennial

He sleeps on our couch until noon

He uses his horoscope to explain the worlds problems

But always will watch my cartoons

You may say that I'm much too hard on my Uncle's

Even if they do make a lot of noise

The truth is I wouldn't be the person I am

Or have nearly the collection of toys