"Thank you" deanxreader

You pressed the razor to your leg, fast and deep. You deserved it, you were a good-for-nothing fuck up! You couldn't even take out a single vampire without hurting yourself or the boys, one vampire! You deserved every single cut, bruise and scar. You deserved more than that, but it was all you could bring yourself to do.

Your hands shook as you put the bloody razor down in the sink, your heart pounding fast as you heard footsteps outside the bathroom, you silently prayed whoever it was wouldn't stop, but to your usual luck you heard a sharp knock on the door.

"(Y/n)! You in there? I'm going out for a bit, supply run, you want anything?", a familiar voice said, Dean.

"No thank you, be safe!"

Tears you hadn't noticed made your voice sound slightly of, and just as you thought he'd just leave it- you were a hunter after all- there was another knock on the door.

"You alright? Can I come in? Are you crying?"

His questions just ran trough your head, what were you supposed to do? What would you do if he saw? What would you say?

You tried to say something smart, but it just came out as a weak sniffling sound.

"(Y/n)! What's wrong? Just unlock the door please, I can help, just let me in!"

More tears now ran down your face, Dean still knocked on the door so you just reached up and unlocked the door. Knowing he wouldn't understand, wouldn't help.

As soon as he heard the lock click he threw the door open and he could hardly comprehend what he was seeing, blood dripping from your legs, tears streaming down your face. And all he could he think of saying was a simple "Why?"

You looked into his gorgeous green eyes through the tears, and said:

"I'm tired Dean, I'm tired of not feeling, I'm tired of being a useless piece of shit you and your brother has to drag everywhere. I'm tired of being ugly, weak, stupid, I'm tired of being tired!"

At the end of the sentence you were screaming at the top of your lungs, Dean still squatting next to your feet. He gently laid his hands on your shaking shoulders, looking into your (e/c) eyes.

"I don't want your pity!" You said angrily and tried to get up but his hands held you down and he cought your eyes again before speaking.

"You really think that is true don't you? Do you need me to get every single person you've ever met to prove you differently? You are the most amazing, beautiful, the smartest and the strongest person I've ever gotten to know! How could you do this to yourself? You could have talked to me, to us!"

As he raised his voice you lowered your eyes and mumbled;

"It's okay if you hate me, I hate me to.." You could feel him stare at you as you shrugged his hands of you and got up to clean your cuts.

"You really didn't listen to a single word I said did you? You are so amazing, and still you do this to yourself. How long?" He asked.

Without turning around you casually answered him: "I don't know, it doesn't matter, nothing matters."

"Everything matters. You matter. I love you, all of us do! Me, Sammy, Cas! We care, if you just would've told us we could've helped, please just tell me what to do!" You turned around to see that the strongest, most admirable you knew, was crying, looking at you desperately.

He walked up to you and took the bandages from your hands and gently wrapped your thighs, careful not to hurt you more than you had already hurt yourself.

"Now you are going to tell me everything, get angry, smash things! God-damn even hit me! But please don't hurt yourself!"

So you did tell him everything, every last detail. You cried, you got angry, you smashed things. And he held you, stroked you hair, listened. That night as you fell asleep in his strong arms, you could swear that you felt his silent tears fall in your hair.

"Thank you"

(A/N): This is my first ever fanfic, so don't be to harsh on me! Dean is propably a bit OOC, but hey!