The Devil's Love-Ridden Abuse II POETRY Second Edition

003

I've come to realise
a defense mechanism I have

blocking memories
of things I don't wish
to remember
too strenuous and questionable
too much feeling

some call it weak
some say it's smart
not to feel the emotions
lying hidden in those memories
grants the ability
of reminiscence
and a clear hind sight

it allows me not to want
for things I had for a second
in the sight of Time

I've blocked out my mother
the abuse of my childhood
the betrayal of friends
but mostly
I've blocked out you

when I look at you
I no longer see the boy
whom was once my best friend
who I used to laugh with
who I used to tell everything
but rather a familiar stranger

why do you think
I could speak to you so civilly
about the disgusting cafeteria food
and small talk
that will never go anywhere

I choose not
to deal with my past
to feel with key parts of myself
for a reason
if I face it,
I'll become overwhelmed
and feel more lost than ever
go insane
trying to piece myself together
provoked further by the incessant questioning

that would follow suit thereafter

forgive me
if that is not quite right
but I am not here
proving something to you Devil