Enclosed Saddness

Enclosed Sadness

Enclosed Sadness.

Life and the torment it holds is it worth it? I think not. The love and happy emotions it can bring are minuet compared to the hardship it deals out to us. We all live our lives all the same. I can't understand how people can do it, I can't seem to do it but how do they manage? Is it a trick to life or is it only a human thing? Am I human or am I something else? All these questions running thought my mind with no answers.

At a youthful age I'm at, living here on Earth and I still don't know where I belong. I'm 19, I should know my career path by now. I shouldn't be on the move all the time from friend's house to friend's house. If only my dad didn't walk out on Mum and I. Why did he walk out on me... god damn it another unanswerable question. Why was I given my name everyone thinks it's a weird name, really what was Mum and Dad thinking calling me Elfen. It's funny how I look like all the other humans. I stand at 6"4' with medium straight blonde hair and green eyes. I'm of average build with a bit of muscle that can pack a punch when needed. So how am I that different from the others, really is it the name?

My life is and has been shit for as long as I can remember. Really shit is the only word to put it trust me. From a tender age of six I learned the torment life and humans bring. From the moment mum took me to school and I stepped foot on the grounds I knew I had a long ride ahead of me, what was I to do at the age of six? Cry and say I don't like this place or try to fit in with the other children. The other children who called me "Nyuu" what the hell was that? Did it mean non-human? I don't know, all I know is they called me it in a hurtful way and it was far from playful.

Once that was all said and wore out the real pain started. By the end of that year I not only had bullies I also had an army of people wanting to punch me up, reasons there was none. It was routine by the end of the school year in 1995. Drive in the car singing Rolling Stones with Mum than kiss her good bye to step into the boxing ring. Morning was the time where I found a quiet place to wait for the bell, it didn't take long only about ten minutes I sat with a pencil and note book I would write poems and draw pictures. When the bell rang I would line up for the first classes. We'd all sit at our seats while the teacher marked the roll, what fun that was. When my name was called it always got a laugh, she would call my full name "Elfen Vector" the room filled with laughter, "please Miss just call my first name" I would plea to no agreement of a first name only rule. We'd do the usual prep class work than recess, oh what fun that was running around the school for half an hour to protect my life. The bell would ring once again, I'd go to class so puffed out I looked like I ran a home and back. We sat and did more of the prep stuff, well the other kids did I wrote poems, mum taught me how to write from a young age and by the time I was in prep I could write at a grade two level. So lunch would roll around. I hid from the bullies to eat but soon I would get bored and try to find another safe spot. Soon I was spotted by the army and I was chased down than punched and kicked. Mum wasn't too happy at all when she found out and had to come get me. This would happen once a week and sometimes two times a week.

School was hell until the end of grade one when Mum moved me to another school, but not just any school but a Catholic school. You would think the children would play nice but they where the same as the other school. I do wounder why she sent me there for at that stage I was against God and all religion, I didn't believe in Heaven or Hell, I saw it as you died and you go six feet down and decompose. It wasn't all bad at this school, I made one friend to talk to. She was like me in almost everyway her name was so sweet every time I heard the name Lucy I felt like I was going to float away. The bullying still continued but Lucy and I would hang most of the time and talk however the days she was away is when they came to get me. That was the main routine up until the end of grade six. When Lucy and I had to go our separate ways to different schools. This was also the first time I felt love for someone besides my Mum. We where saying goodbye and to try to keep in touch when it happened, she leaned over and kissed me. Her lips together with mine, our eyes closed it was amazing. She left saying "I love you Elfen Vector" I replied with "I Love you too Lucy Mariko".

High school now that was a wake up call for me. This is when I really felt like I was an alien race or a Diclonius. I had many wicked thoughts running thought my head. I had many homicidal and sadistic thoughts during High school. I wanted to rip every person that picked on me apart, from limb to limb with the power of my mind. This was until the new kid came too start school, a half Japanese, half Australian kid named Rushi Vincent-Davis. He was much like me however he wanted friends, I never wanted to seek out human contact after Lucy but he had this cool vibe to him, soon he became my best friend. He was able to fight but didn't like to, he was an outcast like me. The only two groups that he would fit into didn't want him. The Australians didn't want him with them because he was also Asian and the Asians didn't want him because he was also Australian. That's why we connected, we didn't fit in with the norm. The norm that caused so much pain.

High school years where all the same after a while. Go to school, meet up with Rushi, go to form room than first two periods. Recess was the tricky part because we had to eat quickly before taking refuge in the Library before having to go to periods three and four. Lunch was also tricky but trickier than Recess because the Library didn't open until fifteen minutes after the bell for Lunch went so in other words time for the bullies to try and bash us. The bell to signal the end of Lunch would ring and we'd go to last two periods. When the end of the day came Rushi and I would hang back ten minutes to wait for the bullies to go home then we retrieved our belongings and headed home together. We didn't live that far away from each other so that was good.

My schooling finished soon enough and I was unsure where to go next. I had no plan and Mum didn't know what I should do. Mum and I spent weeks try to figure out what I should do when I decided to become an author of anime working at the local Bar for money to support myself. Then that's when life kicked me back down after I started getting to my feet. I was talking to Mum about characters and said one of the characters will be named after her and showed her how the character looked. I turned to continue my work when I heard the bang. I turned to see Mum on the floor with blood coming out of her ear and not breathing. I started to try to wake her as I started breaking down as I dialled triple zero. By the time they arrived they said she's gone and they wouldn't of been able to save her at all and that she died on the spot.

I moved to the city with no word to Rushi of my move. He was now alone again and was going to be like that until he found another friend. This brings us to now with me walking along this street with the only light being the street lamps. To me walking along this bridge with a piece of rope ready to give myself to freedom. I tie the rope to the bridge than around my neck nice and tight. I sit on the edge of the bridge about to jump when my heart jumps form a familiar voice yelling out my name. I turn my head to see who it is. I open my mouth to speck and faintly the only words the escape my mouth is "Lucy".