Him

The Beginning

I remember it all, and I can't remembering. I remember how it felt when he stood behind me with his arms around my waist. I remember how it felt when he gripped my hands, how he played with the rips of my jeans on my thighs. I remember how his jacket felt like a dress on me. I remember his deep raspy voice when he was tired, the sound of his breathing as he fell asleep. I remember how my hair would get stuck under his arm when he'd drape it over my shoulders.

But all of those are just memories now. No more hugs, no more late night calls.

I remember how I wanted to trace my fingers along his broad shoulders. I remember how I wanted to come to homecoming and prom with him, how I wanted to sit and watch him play at him basketball games while cheering him on with my friends. Now, all of the things I wanted will never come true.

Now, I'll spend my lunches alone, walk to the bus alone, walk to class alone, and fall asleep alone. The only thing unchanged is that he's my first thought when I wake, and my last thought when I sleep.

Now, I can't listen to the music he played me because it makes me cry. I can't go to the basketball games with my friends because he'll be on the court and I don't want to see him. Now, I have to avoid certain halls just to not run into him.

I still want to be with him...but that's all over now.

I never got to have the cliché, undying love I dreamt for.

Nothing seemed to go my way until someone else came along and made everything better and worse all at the same time.