Lo(v)/(n)ely

Do you ever feel so lonely,
surrounded by people who care.
When you're feeling low and sad,
they tell you they'll be there.

But sometimes it's just not enough,
you need someone to understand.
You need someone to hold you close,
and never let go of your hand.

It's 2am at night and I'm laying wide awake,
the thought of finding love, I can't seem to possibly shake.

"Will I ever be someone that's capable of love?"
Lost in thought, I stare at the ceiling above.

I close my eyes and follow my train of thoughts...

A starry night, we're starry eyed, falling for each other.
Drowning in that moment, we swear to catch one another.

I smile at you, tears glistening in my eyes, you say you are my world.
And all it took were those three words, my barriers unfirled.

Sitting on the rooftop, your arms around me,
I always felt so lost but now you've found me.
I'm scared of the monster that's always haunted me.
You hold me tight, I know you wont let anything harm me.

I turn back to look at you but you aren't here anymore,
standing in your place there's just that black shadow.
The demon that I've always feared rips you away from me,
I beg it to let you go, you're all that matters to me.

Stop living a lie, it's all in your head, it says, this isn't reality,
I jolt awake and cry because that's all you will ever be, a fantasy.

I opened my eyes, you're no longer here ,
but the shadow still stands there with a sneer.

It slowly creeps towards me, as I scramble with fear,
in a deep and hollow raspy voice, it whispers in my ear.

You can't have anybody because I'll always be  a step ahead of you,
this fantasy world that you've created will surely be the death of you...

Every day is a fight,
I close my eyes shut tight.
Maybe I'm paying for my sins,
because its the demon that always wins...

~Shalaka