Phineas and Ferb - The suicide pact

Part Two: Jerimmy POV

When I woke up today, I never thought I would land myself in multiple government conspiracies. Life is just unpredictable that way, you know?

Let's go back to yesterday - September 10th, before the "incident". Basically I paid an assassin to shoot JFK and then framed an innocent bystander who was just trying to- well, we can leave that story for another time. It'll take me a few hours to explain and we don't have that kind of time. All that you need to know is that I was a wanted man and I had to change my identity multiple times in order to stay concealed from the entirety of the U.S. Government. I got involved with al-Qaeda while I was on the run, but I was able to hide my tracks and get the hell out of there. At this point I was a fugitive in over 300 countries across the globe and I no longer had anywhere I could stay hidden without being on the run from multiple sophisticated intelligence agencies. My life kinda sucked, not gonna lie.

But then I met Canadace. From the moment I laid eyes on her, I knew that I would do anything to protect her, and the best way for me to do that would be to distance myself from her. At first I couldn't handle it, so I tried to get my little sister to scare her away. (Susie is actually a sophisticated robotic slave that I built and programmed with the most advanced AI in the world while I was hiding in a submarine somewhere in the Atlantic). Unfortunately, Canadace was resilient. Too resilient.

I had to step things up. I was planning to fake my own death, but the perfect opportunity presented itself when I spotted one of the highly-trained assassins that are constantly on my trail. I was going to give myself over in order to save Canadace, but that pesky Agent P swooped in and fucking killed the assassin. I knew the handsome aquatic mammal meant well, but in that moment I was so infuriated I could've ripped that teal skin right off of his frail little body. Fortunately, Canadace showed up and wanted to go get some slushy dogs, so I had to act chill and eventually I just forgot about my anger.

However, as I began to spot more and more government assassins, I knew they were getting closer. I had stayed in one place for too long and now everyone was going to have to suffer -  unless I found a way to disappear for good. I no longer had a choice. I would have to fake my own death in order to protect the Flynn-Fletcher family from facing torture at the hands of the CIA in order to gain information of my whereabouts.

I began to lay out a plan. I would tell Canadace I was going to New York to visit my aunt, when in reality I lost all of my extended family in the fire. Then I would go to New York, get a new passport from my old friend Rat, and I'd be deep in the Amazon rainforest by sundown. As I hugged Canadace goodbye, it was hard for me to believe I'd never be able to contact her again. At least she'd have Phinus and Forb by her side. (Unless the Russian mafia caught up with Forb again.)

I arrived at the airport and parked my blazing red 1952 Mercedes-Benz 170-SB Classic Model Refurbished in 2015. I stole the car when I fought off a team of 12 highly trained assassins at a gas station and then leaped into the car with the gas station ablaze behind me.

When I got to the airport I dodged all of the security agents with ease and hijacked a passenger plane so I could get to New York. It was a long flight and the passengers were especially terrified when I realized I didn't know how to fly a plane. We got to New York sooner than I thought and suddenly one of the towers of the World Trade Center appeared right in front of the plane! Luckily my 300+ IQ kicked in just in time and I was able to quickly figure out how to pilot a plane. We landed perfectly and I casually walked off of the plane. Everyone at the airport was so impressed with me that they didn't even try to stop me, and I was able to walk right out of the airport.

Once I was in New York I had to figure out how to find Rat's top-secret, high-security bunker. I walked to the nearest public library and using one of the computers I was able to hack into the FBI database and locate the coordinates of the bunker. It was just a short walk away from the library, but along the way I encountered several teams of Japanese warriors seeking revenge for the nuclear bombs Forb and I developed. I easily slaughtered every last one of them. Then I stopped for some ice cream.

After that, I was a little bit tired and when I got to Rat's bunker I promptly fell asleep for over 30 hours. Finally Rat woke me up and gave me a new identity. All I had to do now was hitchhike to the middle of the Amazon rainforest.

Unfortunately, the second I stepped out of the bunker I was surrounded by a swarm of government agents. "Fuck," I thought. I fought off several at once using nothing but my legs. Someone must have seen the WANTED posters that were stapled up all across the country and turned me in for the multi-billion dollar reward.

I was able to fight my way past them, but my only option was to run. I leaped as high as my bulging muscular legs would carry me and began scaling one of the World Trade Centers like King Kong.

Little did I know, the president had dispatched the entire US military to capture me and they sent an airplane slamming into the tower. Fortunately, I was already dozens of floors above the airplane and I was uninjured. I leaped to the other tower, dodging a second airplane. I guess the government thought murdering innocent citizens was justified since they were trying to capture me.

I glanced over my shoulder, and to my dismay I saw a familiar rectangular face peering back at me from the other tower. I knew it would be collapsing any minute now, so I did the only thing I could think to do. I launched my body towards Forb, and the velocity of my excessive body mass was enough to punch through the tower and push Forb through the solid concrete walls. I didn't care if Forb fell because obviously he's made of solid steel and would be fine. Me, not so much. I died instantly and my last words were, "Shit, my pizza rolls." I just hope my sacrifice was not in vain and Forb went on to develop the weapon of mass-extinction that we had been discussing.