Jordan

Chapter 1

I am a bird who's broken a wing , to afraid to fly . 

I am a bird who's gotten lost .

I am a girl  lost in grief .

There are so many things I'll never get to do with him . I won't graduate with him and make silly faces from the audience as he's called up to the stage . I won't ever work up the courage to kiss him , to get scolded for running in the rain . All because I'm too weak and fragile to save myself . I'll never get the chance to tell him how I loved him , and everything he did . From the way his hair fell into his face , to the way he breathed when he fell asleep after a long and exhausting day . He'll never get to have a cool job that pays lots of money , or have a family . He can't have a cool car that he can show off to everyone and brag about how much it was .

I, feel irrevelent . Like nothing matters without Alex here . Some woman comes up to me and gives me a sad smile . Her eyes are teary and I'd bet she wishes she'd stayed home and locked her doors , so that the sorrow of this week would never come .  " Did you know him " she asked me . I didn't feel the need to reply to her , but more to myself then anything . " Alex was my best friend" ' I loved him' She learned over and hugged me tightly . She smelled of smoke and the lint you take out of a dryer before putting a freshly wet load  in .

She gave me another small smile and pats my shoulder before walking away . I find a chair out on the patio , the wind pushing at my hair . I pull on the hem of my black dress , letting the tears splash onto the cold patio . I sit in the chair and look towards the huge glass windows, while  I watch people exchange condolences .  I let reality set in . Alex died . He died and he isn't coming back . Ever.

I didn't mind the cold wind now , because I couldn't really feel the wind nipping at my arms the way it used to . I had a reason back then to be warm , now I have none . I didn't have a choice , but I realized I wasn't cold because I was numb .

Mrs. Scott came out and got me so that we could all go to the service together . Her face was streaked with wiped tears and her nose red like she was getting a cold . We drove there together since my parents couldn't make it . They had to call the insurance coumpany and work out where we were going to be staying . Mrs. Scott held me tighter the  closer we got to the church.

We pulled up and many cars followed behind us, the tires cruntching errily slow against the gravel. My entire body tingled from the numbness , it felt like my entire body had fell asleep and I had to move to wake it up .

The casket remained closed. Burns flowed up and down his body and no one could stand to look at him . No one wanted to remember him that way . Everyone wanted to remember him as the golden boy , whose spirit could never be broken .

I could feel the tears brimming at the surface of my eyes , but I refused to cry . People slowly got the will to drag themselves up to the podium . Most people were family and a few were friends , but a girl caught my eye . I hadn't seen her before , and I turned my head toward her , my interest piqued.

" I'm not good at these so please be patient with me " The  girl wipped her tears before they had a change to slide down her cheek in grief and sorrow . " Alex was a great guy , and I loved him so much . He was kind , loving , and responsible " I heard a little girl crying in the back of the room and a "shh" sound follow it shortly after . " I know everyone will miss him . I think Alex would have loved that so many people loved him . He used to tell me about his family , and his best friend . "