Always & Forever

My Dearest Clara,

If you're reading this, it's because I've kicked the bucket. I'm gone. And no amount of tears are going to bring me back.

I'm sorry Clara. I know you're mad. Pissed off even. I'm sorry for not telling you about the cancer. All I've ever wanted is for you to stop putting your life on hold for me.

When you told me about that job offer, I was so happy. The happiest I've been in a long time. My grandaughter, a travel journalist! I'm so proud of you and everything you've accomplished despite the obstacles life has thrown at you. The last week you came home to visit was the best ones I've had in a long time. It's the first week that I saw you smile more than once a day! That's when everything became clear, I could never tell you how sick I was. You would have never left.

You're a good granddaughter Clara. You've spent your whole youth taking care of me and that isn't fair to you. You never got to go away to college like any other kid, instead you spent your nights looking after an old man. Yes, I know you had Alex, and thank god for that otherwise you'd be an old maid too! And don't you tell me he's just a friend, we both know that kid loves you. Do yourself a favor and just admit it, you love him too. He isn't going to wait around forever. At some point he will move on. So make a move Clara, before it's too late.

I don't want you to spend your whole life grieving. I want you to let me go Clara. Whatever anger you feel towards me, let it go. Whatever guilt you feel, let it go. Be spontaneous. Take risks. Make a move.

I love you Clara. I'll be watching over you. Always and Forever, until we meet again.

Grandpa Joe

Clara woke up right as the pilot was announcing their descent. She groggily followed Alex out of the airport. It was a good thing they had no checked bags, only carry ons. Otherwise it would've taken them forever to grab a cab. She stared at Alex and grinned as he told their driver where they were headed. His dark waved hair was messed up from the wind. She thanked god that he'd insisted on coming on this trip with her. I don't think I would've been able to handle doing this on my own, she thought to herself.

She glanced down at the letter she had written before leaving home as they made their way down the trail. She had felt foolish when she had first sat down to write it, but felt some of the weight she'd been carrying for the last six months fall after pouring her heart out into the letter.

Grey skies threatened to send rain their way despite the little sunlight that shone through. The vast Atlantic spread out in front of them with no visible end. Ireland was a breathtaking country and the Moher Cliffs were no exception.

The walk down the trail was fairly quiet. Alex and Clara were both lost in their own thoughts. Stopping every few minutes to take a picture or to simply take in the sheer vastness of the cliffs and the ocean. The views were mesmerizing. After walking for two hours, they finally made it to the Jordan Denning point of the Moher Cliffs. The same spot her grandpa Joe proposed to Clara's grandmother fifty eight years ago and then spread her ashes nine years ago.

Alex glanced up and took in the grey skies, "Not that I'm rushing you or anything, but I think you should get started Clara, otherwise we might get poured on."

"Pretty sure we're going to get poured on regardless Alex." She rolled her eyes at him. "If you hadn't insisted we walk all the way from the visitor's center," she said in a sing songy voice. "But I suppose I should get started," she said.

Clara looked out to the sea, took a deep breath, and started to read.

Grandpa Joe,

I hope you are watching over me like you said in your letter. I hope you're listening right now. Alex thought it would be a good idea if I wrote you back and read the letter out loud before scattering your ashes. Personally I think he's just nosy, or maybe he's just looking for ways to help me grieve.

Clara smiled at Alex and reached out to hold his hand.

Therapeutic writing he calls it. So here we are, the both of us, standing in the Cliffs of Moher. In the same spot you proposed to grandma. In the same spot you and I spread grandma's ashes. Just like you wanted.

Her voice cracked and hands trembled. Alex squeezed her hand reassuringly.

"You got this Clara."

Her eyes welled up with tears as she struggled to keep her voice calm.

It's been six months since you left us and letting go of my anger hasn't been easy. I hate that you never told me. I hate that I was out traveling while you were home suffering. I could've been there for you.

She let out a small sob and continued reading through it.

I should've been there for you. But what I hate the most is that you didn't let me say goodbye. And it wasn't your choice to make.

She wiped her tears away furiously and steadied her voice.

It was mine.

But despite the overwhelming sadness that overtakes my entire body to the point I can't get out of bed sometimes. I understand why you did it. You wanted to protect me, and though I appreciate the notion. It doesn't make it any less painful.

Clara felt the warmth of the sun that had finally broken through the grey skies. She finished the rest of the letter without looking down.

So thank you, for the wonderful life you've given me. For always putting me first. I—

Her voice cracked again and she cried silently for a minute before regaining her voice.

I love you Grandpa Joe.

I'll miss you, always and forever. Until we meet again.

It was in that moment that Clara finished her letter, that she noticed that not only had the sun come out, but the crashing waves had softened as well. There was silence all around them except for the ocean waves. Tears and a sob that turned into a laugh escaped her.

"Well, I'll be damned," Alex said with a nervous laugh. "I think he heard you."

Clara looked at Alex. Her eyes beamed with a mixture of sadness and resignation. "I think he did too." She wasn't sure who started laughing first, but they both burst into a fit of laughter. They laughed until they were both clutching their stomachs.

Alex removed the lid from the urn he'd been carrying in his bag and passed it to Clara. She slowly emptied out the ashes and let the wind carry them out into the ocean.

"Thank you," she said turning to face Alex, "for everything."

"I love you Clara, I would do anything for you." This is it Clara, he thought, throw me a bone here. He hadn't meant to blurt it out precisely when she was so vulnerable, but the words had just tumbled out.

Make a move, that's what Clara's grandfather had told her in his. Alex had been her rock not just in the last six months, but for as long as they had known each other. She had always known he was in love with her, although he'd never once said so out loud. Throughout the years he'd been pretending to be comfortable in the friend zone she had put him in. She was afraid that they wouldn't work out and ruin their friendship. She loved him, there was no denying it.

So in that moment, with the waves crashing passionately against those beautiful cliffs, Clara decided to be spontaneous. To take a risk. To make a move before it was too late. She slipped her arms inside his overcoat, around his waist, and kissed him softly on the lips and pulled back so she could look at him.

Alex stared at her in wonder, unsure of what to do next. Afraid of making the wrong move. Clara's smile was all the reassurance he needed. He pulled her back to him and said, "Well it's about damn time."