Merely thinking back on the night stirred something of repulsion, buried beneath the hilarious sitcom-like situation. He'd look back on it, on that particular night where it all started and scolded himself for not backing off in time.
They played a few rounds of card games and Miles lost at the last one. Alex was in a great mood that day. They agreed to play this dumb game which would decide what's going to happen in the bedroom tonight. Though Miles never counted on himself losing.
"Ah," Alex was not expecting himself to win as well (He wasn't great at poker back then). For him, it was without a doubt a pleasant surprise. "Guess I get to have my ways with you tonight, Miles."
"As long as it does not involve reading me poems while we shag, I'd take anything from you happily, la." Miles gave him a crooked, smug smile, which was wiped away easily when Alex's fingers tangled with his collar, pulling him forward so suddenly that Miles almost tripped on his toes.
Alex looked at him thoughtfully. His eyes shared the same features of unfathomable springs, drowning Miles in a blink. "I do have something in mind."
He spoke in an unnecessarily slow speed so that the words wouldn't knock into each other. However, there was barely any time wasted for pondering. Miles figured whatever Alex wanted to try, it must have been hibernating in his head for a while.
A ghost feeling of pressure lingered on his neck even after Alex released his hand. Miles trailed after him into the kitchen as Alex put the kettle on. He was much into green tea recently and every time Miles came by, Alex always had a new flavour for Miles to try with him. One thing that Miles didn't like about Alex, that was.He found it disturbingwhen Alex acted all domestic and caring as if they were in a proper relationship rather than having some fun. Those moments made Miles unsure, his skin crawled.
He reached for the sugar bowl as Alex poured the hot water into two cups. Miles saw a light green tea cup on the counter which wasn't there last week. It's not hard to guess it belonged to Alexa. More and more of her stuff began to fill Alex's apartment. It wouldn't take long for their relationship to get serious, which also meant his days with Alex were numbered.
He was fain to accept wherever this ride took them to. It's not a very pleasant one this time, but still better than the rest of the options.
They shared a pizza for dinner. Alex let Miles picked the movie-which he was sure to find either boring or amusing. Alex's fingers wandered over Miles' shoulder when they both settled, and something in his eyes lured Miles into the new territory, although he couldn't tell right away what was different.
"I don't know how to put this," Alex began, almost coyly. "I... I want you to be my lover."
And that was the beginning of the disastrous night.
"Ah, babe, that one hurts." Miles turned to him. "What else do you think I am?"
It was meant to be a joke yet came out a bit like a petty complaint. Alex frowned. He looked more confused than anything. "Miles." He whined, "You know what I mean."
Miles did, and he probably knew Alex too well, enough to understand that this was another game they were playing. He smiled sweetly at Alex's suggestion, and almost broke character when Alex leant in and wrapped his arms around Miles' shoulder. He had to hide a smile in Alex's hair when Alex's fingers began to make patterns on his shoulder blade. The tingling climbed down along his spine and settled into Miles stomach as they just cuddled in comfortable silence.
He failed to remember what they were watching that night. Then at some point, without both of them noticing, the impulse of laughing at Alex for being a sappy bastard was replaced by something more real and serious.
It scared him.
It wasn't even the first time Miles had been tricked into thinking they were crossing that important line. But it was the first time that neither of them cracked a joke to burst the bubble. Maybe this was exactly what Alex was trying to do- a free trail, of being in a love relationship with your best mate.
What if the trail ended and Alex wanted to return the product, but Miles wanted to keep it?
The thought startled him, making him flinch despite himself. "You cold?" Alex murmured and dropped a kiss on the side of his neck, tightening the hug. Suddenly Miles couldn't help but think this was what Alex would behave like when he's with Alexa - this was the part of Alex he failed to know (have).
A shot of jealousy hit him out of blue. Miles tried to disengage himself from Alex's grip. "No," He hurried to deny, tone harsher than he meant to. "I'm fine."
Immediately Alex sat up straight, still keeping a hand on Miles' shoulder. He insisted. "Miles, what's wrong?"
Were Alex's eyes always this loving, or were they part of this stupid game Miles had agreed to play? At the moment, Miles could not tell. The tenderness he saw in Alex's eyes shook Miles awake. He couldn't pretend anymore, not when Alex's gaze was so disarming.
How did he not realize it before? How did the eureka moment not happen the first time Alex kissed him on the lips? How came he did not recognize love when they tore each other's shirt open in the dressing room?
Nothing's wrong. Miles meant to answer, but no sound was made. There was a burning sensation in his chest. The pained crushed down and before Miles could stop himself, he was crying. Blame it on the movie. Did he pick a damn romantic comedy? Fuck.
Just as he was silently panicking, Alex's arms came back. He was holding Miles in a way that made Miles feel treasured. It was all wrong. He was borrowing Alex's heart from someone else. And now he didn't want to give it back. "...Miles!" A hand on his jaw to hold his head up, and suddenly he could breathe again. Miles blinked his sight clear, and it was the Alex he knew so well facing him.
"Fuck, you scared the hell out of me." His friend sighed, throwing something on the floor. It's his inhaler. Alex must have gotten it from Miles' pocket. Alex leaned back on the sofa, worried and completely at lost. Miles looked down at his fingers, craving Alex's touch back on his skin.
"It happens, sometimes." Miles lied, the lump in his throat growing to poke at his heart. "The attack, I mean."
"Oh my...say something next time, alright?" Alex shook his head violently, looking almost guilty. Miles looked at him in the eyes.
"I didn't know it's going to happen."
Miles was afraid that he had already spoken too much.
Slowly, Alex raised his hand up and wiped off a tear still sitting on Miles' cheekbone. His eyes were darker than usual. In a tight voice Alex whispered. "I'll get you some water."
Miles nodded quietly.
They both knew the game had ended.
+END+
Notes:
Miles said he loved Borderline by Tame Impala...the lyrics can kill.
Part 1 of the Hey Lover series.
