This is dedicated to theonlyhi because he was the first person to read it:) and he is a superfantastic and amazing guy, you should read his story too.
Introduction
Patience Bernadette Stapp was not a very patient girl. She also was not a very normal girl. But, normal is over rated. So, when Patience's life goes from totally abnormal to normal, she goes from crazy to insane. Or so she thinks she does.
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I remember very little from the time I was with my parents. Apparently, I was taken away from them when I was two. Not because they were abusive, or drug addicts, but because society had classified them as mentally insane. Not disabled, but insane. All I remember about them is the sounds of laughter, and the smell of pumpkin spice. And whenever my Grandma smiles, I think of my mom. They must have had the same smile. I don't tell anyone about this, not even Grandma or Nanna, but sometimes I feel a deep emotion stir inside of me, I can't place the emotion, but whenever I feel it, I feel strangely closer to my parents.
Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder if I have my mom's eyes, or my dad's nose. But, I'll never know because Grandma and Nanna zip up their lips and hide like a turtle in a shell at even the slightest mention of either of them. I tried directly asking them once, I thought after 12 years they would not mind, but I was gravely mistaken.
It happened about two days ago, when Grandma, Nanna, and I were having our "fortnight feast", on these nights we eat some of my favorite foods. This particular night we were eating pad Thai with shredded carrots, grilled eggplant marinated in Italian dressing with mozzarella cheese and fried tomatoes, saltine crackers with whipped cream, slices of potatoes with melted cheese and bacon bits on top, dill pickles, and for dessert we had Greek yogurt with guavas and granola mixed in.
During the course of our meal I had been thinking about how my mom had grown up in this house, with its many rooms out here in the country, with her two moms, having feasts like I am now.
Nanna had told me my mom had lived here when I was around four, I think she expected me to forget, but I am now fourteen and I still remember the one peice of information, other than the fact they are insane, I know about either of my parents. Nanna tends to let secrets or "little pieces of information" as she calls them slip, and sometimes she even lets me read books Grandma will not let me read. However, I think Nanna had forgotten she had even told me this "little piece of information" in the first place. I had mulled all of this over and over in my head while finishing up dinner. When Grandma brought out the dessert, she commented on my silence.
"Why so quiet tonight, my little pip?" Pip was their pet name for me. I usually liked when they called me by Pip, but that night, I had felt a strange pang of guilt. I remember I took a sharp breath in and thought, It's ok, you can do this. I tried to keep my face placid, so Grandma and Nanna wouldn't suspect what I was about to ask.
"Can you please tell me about my mom and dad and....and... what happen-ned?" I had squeaked, emphasizing the wrong syllables and words. Way to show confidence. I looked up, Nanna looked embarrassed, maybe she did remember she told me. But, I have never seen my Grandma so angry and horrified. She looked like she had seen a ghost, and then somehow got offended by it. She dropped the yogurt all over the carefully designed floor. There goes my dessert.
I knew I would not be receiving an answer to my question. It was....just a guess. I remember feeling terrible when Nanna hid her face in her hands and wept. But Grandma had sputtered like a hissing cat. Finally she managed to choke out audible words.
"GO....to....your...room!" she spat.
I really was not one to talk back, but, without thinking, I had shouted,"Now I know why mom went crazy! Thanks for answering my question."My voice had dripped with all the sarcasm I could muster right then and there. Upon entering my room, I even managed to slam the door.
As deafening silence followed me in, I felt regret creeping up my spine with each step I took towards my bed. I had cried myself to sleep that night. The next day went by like a blur. The only thing clear to me was Grandma not being anywhere in the house.
And now I just finished teaching myself some Latin word roots. I'm laying on my bed and recording the incident in my diary. I had the feeling I would never forget what had happened. But I know I will not make the same mistake twice. I tried to apologize to Grandma but she was locked up in one of the many rooms I was not allowed in. I decided not to push my luck anymore.
Grandma has been hostile to me since I asked the question. This was the second day I had not talked to her. But, I resumed my usual routine as I had the day before. Nanna still did the tango in the kitchen with me while making scrambled eggs and tapioca pudding for breakfast. She still played Chinese checkers with me every afternoon starting with my first move being at exactly 1:17pm. We also spent time in the library for hours on end trying to find a new book with a good quote we hadn't memorized yet.
At 7pm Nanna and i put a ton of gel in our hair and made Mohawks so by eight we would be ready to watch Nova on PBS. (Also, my initials.) It was always fun to watch Nova, not just because I always had a weird hair-do while watching it every night, but because it was the only TV show I watched. It was an educational TV show, showing scientific discoveries which were extremely hard to wrap one's mind around. This TV show also happened to be my only form of education, besides reading children's books, cooking, gardening, and working on ancient Greek and Latin with Grandma from 10 o'clock till lunch time at 12:03pm. But none of my daily rituals were the same with out Grandma. Ancient Greek and Latin was especially lonely today; again I had to teach myself Latin root words.
Before Nanna, Grandma, and I do our hair before watching Nova, we always listen to 80's music while cooking something exotic for dinner. We always eat our dinner outside, and in the winter time watch the sunset too. But tonight, it was just Nanna and I. I did not pay attention to the show and I did not try to make my hair extra special either. I just wanted to go to bed. I fell asleep with all my clothes on.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. I slapped my alarm, causing it to fall on the ground with a clang. I felt extremely groggy. I attempted to get up, but some how I had managed to entangle myself in the sheets overnight. I wonder what I was dreaming about. After what felt like forever, I finally set myself free from the sheet beast. I felt a little melancholy, so I headed over to the rainbow room. The bright colors on the wall all ordered in "rainbow order" usually lightened my day. In this large house, Grandma did not like calling it a mansion, there seemed to be a room for everything, but about half of the rooms were locked and I was never allowed to look in them.
This particular room was supposed to bring happiness and there was comfortable furniture like bean bags and soft couches. This was to help anyone who wanted relax and relieve stress. Nanna said the room represented the inner-self, to accept who you are. Each wall represented the gay flag. Yes, Grandma and Nanna...ehem...liked each other, but they were not allowed to get married. They had accepted who they were and dedicated a room to remind them of how lucky they were to have each other. This didn't bother me, I didn't know any different.
I meditated and let the oxygen flow through me, breathing in the colors and letting them push out my worry. I was planning on trying to apologize to Grandma again. I sighed, then suddenly I could feel something stir deep inside my very soul. I could not hear anything but my heartbeat. I thought about the small memories I had of my parents; laughter, smiles, pumpkin spice. A warm feeling started at my heart and spread throughout my body, channeling through my veins. I knew my parents must have loved me.
But, I could start to feel doubt creep into my mind. I was going to find out what had happened, I cannot live not knowing who I am, and where I came from. And most of all I was going to find out why. A sudden feeling of determination flooded through me, but it ended as soon as it had started, for I distanly heard Grandma call for me.
Dun...Dun....Dun..... I hoped you all liked it. its my first soon to be chapter book. Update coming soon.
