↷ sweet music

don't ruin this on me.

↨
"hey, tim?"

I LOOK OVER, toby's eyes glossed over with this uneasy-ness. i couldn't describe what that meant if i tried. his fidgeting did key to me he was...well, antsy. ive picked up on what was a tic, and what wasn't. it was my job to make sure this kid was okay and i had to pick up on everything he does.

"are you...are you okay?" he started, looking down and around, evading eye contact like i'd shoot lasers through his own sockets.

"y...yeah?" i replied, confused on his question. i didn't know where it came from, i wasn't doing anything out of line.

"are you, are you, a-are-" he coughed, and i heard him swear under his breath. "are you sure?"

i felt bad, because a tinge of annoyance sparked in me. what was he coming from? was all of this just empty nonsense?

"yea, i'm sure toby. don't worry about me."

"i don't like it when you say that. it leaves a gross feeling in my stomach, and it makes my heart tight."

"why? there's no reason to get worked up over me."

"you seem antsy. your leg is bouncing, and you're just...staring into space."

sure, i've been anxious this morning. but it isn't anything im not? used to. it was just the normal whispers this morning, but they never fail to make me on edge.

"i know how to cope. i can handle myself."

"i-i can distract...distract you if you wanna." toby coughed in his hand, clearing his throat and sniffing his nose.

"alright, rogers. how?"

toby pulled down his mouthguard, showing off his cheeky grin.
"i-i always wanted to play would you rather."
i smiled, looking outside the train window, knowing we have ways to go before we make it to our final location.

"you start, my guy."

toby smiled.
"never have i ever..." he sat, resting his cheek on his hand.
"...skinny dipped."

"oh, fucks sake no."
i said, fast,
"...though ive seen one of my friends do it ages ago. highschool was a crazy place, and he got wasted and too excited to put it lightly."

"i-isn't that illegal, though?"
toby said, but he soon changed his
expression to one of a guilty puppy.
i guess he? realised how stupid it was to
ask a criminal what's immoral and not.

"don't think so. nobody sees, nothing is against the law."
i chuckled, and it eased his own awkwardness. seeing him comfy around me made me honestly really happy.

i guess i shut him down in the start, and if someone did that to me id be hesitant to spark conversations again. looking back, i really wasn't the nicest to him, and it made me...feel guilty. but that's over, and i hope he knew that era was long gone.

"is it my turn now?"

i asked, the bumps from the railroad and the stop startling the both of us a bit. toby nodded, and i realized how long it's been since i played this game.

"never have i ever, uh, shit."
toby laughed at my blunder, and i couldn't help but laugh at my own mistake too.

"okay, that never happened. never have i ever...watched anime?"

"i, uh." toby gave a half smirk.
"i'm out, i guess. i-i really like
sailor moon. and one thing i remember
was watching pokemon as a kid, and that's something nobody can take away from me."

"dragon ball z was the shit when i was a kid. whatever makes you happy, makes you happy. there's nothing wrong with enjoying what's basically a cartoon."

we went back and fourth, just asking questions, toby digging up small, useless memories he could remember and me looking back on what used to be.
it was the first time in a while i looked back at them without wanting to bawl. it felt...nice. looking back but not being sad. i couldn't help but think, hey, at least i know why i'm here.
toby has no clue.

soon, i saw the sign outside. we came to where we had to meet up with the others, and the thought of our small, dumb game ending made me feel...sad in the weirest way.

when we were getting our stuff and waiting for the hoard of folks to board off so we could walk through the walkway, toby peeped.

"i always knew you weren't always angry." he said, slinging his bag over his shoulder and looking at me directly. "i'm...i'm happy i got to help."

we finally unloaded, arriving at out pitstop, waiting for the others to come and talk about our plans. the air was dry and hot, and i was sweating despite wearing a t-shirt. toby looked uneffected, and i couldn't tell if it was him being, well, toby or it was because of his nerves being all screwed up.

"hey, toby, when we get back you should change out of that."

"huh? why?"

"you're gonna overheat, it's like, what? 80°?"

"i-i can't feel it?"

"pretty sure your insides can. i can't afford you passing out, weather you can feel the sun or not. you're not invincible."

toby rubbed the back of his neck, his hands cramping and a grunt escaping his throat.

"okay, okay, okay, okay-" he inhaled deeply, making a loud 'blagh' and smacking his mouth. "okay, but only because you told me."

i nodded, my backbag close to my side, unzipping it.

"here, take this."

"yo-you're actually hot! you drink it."

"i'm a grown man, and able bodied. i got myself." i made a half joke, but it came off too hard. "take this as payment for cheering me up."

"you feeling better is all i need, but i gu-guess i'll take it."

he took the bottle, and he took a decent swig, and i smiled.
he..he was caring.

and i feel bad saying i didn't expect that.
hope i can see that more often