Roses/Flames

o n e

Sunshine. A field of roses. Butterflies in my hair. 

I'm floating. 

I'm free. 

There is a song in the air. It's so soothing. So serene. I close my eyes. I could lay here forever. Or float? The song is getting louder. It sounds so familiar. Where is it coming from? It gets louder and louder. It's no longer pleasant or soothing or serene. It's blaring. The sunshine is blinding.

I jolt awake. 

Somewhere to the right side of me, my phone alarm shrieks angrily.

I am no longer free.

I shut off my alarm and grudgingly drag my body to a sitting position on my flimsy, full-sized bed. Textbooks are scattered on my bed from the late night cram session.  One of them, a Psychology one, lies facedown on my thigh. I must have fallen asleep reading it. 

I rub my eyes lazily and force myself off the bed, fighting protests from my muscles.

----

My life isn't so terrible. Sure, I work my ass off at two different jobs at odd hours when I'm not busy studying my ass off for a pointless college degree. But still. There are people out there who have it so much worse. At least I can go to college. At least I can afford to live in this dingy, tiny, studio apartment. Or that's what I tell myself as I head off to yet another busy day running on less than four hours of sleep.

I lock my apartment door behind me and step onto uneven sidewalk.

I never saw myself as a 'go to college right out of high school' kind of a person. No, I was going to take a gap year and travel the world. Or just Europe, at least. I was going to find myself before I settled on what to do with my life. 

But then the unthinkable happened. November 15th of my senior year, I got a phone call that changed my life. My parents. A car crash. 

My world broke. 

I loved my parents, I did. But they were never very good at planning for the future. I guess they thought they had all the time in the world and they could live life as it came to them. They didn't. So, instead, what they left 18-year-old me was a near empty bank account and a rented house I could no longer afford. I got a job. I somehow made ends meet for the rest of the year. But traveling the world was no longer an option.

I did the only thing I could think of to delay the looming threat of homelessness: I applied to colleges. Thankfully, my GPA was good enough to land me a spot at a local state university. Thanks to a combination of scholarships, grants, and loans, I could afford four more years of life. Well, that and my two jobs.

And now here I am, three years later, slaving away to make ends meet and wondering what the next step is. Will this be my life? Will I just live every day just to survive the next? Maybe life would have been easier if I had been in the car with my parents.

"Hey there, beautiful. No smile for me?" 

I don't even look up to see who the source of the voice is. It's not like it matters. There's always someone. I suck in a sharp breath and pick up my pace.

----

"Hey, Sophie!" I look up to see Leah waving at me. "Don't forget to Venmo me $100 for Kat's bachelorette party!"

Shit. I forgot about that. 

I make my way towards her.

"I'm so sorry, Leah! I'll send it to you by tonight. And I promise I'll help out more. I've just been swamped with deadlines."