What She Left Behind ✔️

chapter thirty-four

With Bowie in my passenger seat, I drive to Mom and Dad's house. He slept at my place last night, still unwilling to return home.

"I'll go back after everything with Benson is sorted out," he assured me. "But not until then."

We stop at Starbucks for coffee along the way. Just coffee, though. Neither of our stomachs could handle solid food right now. I've been queasy since last night. Just the thought of a donut makes me want to hurl. I expect it will be a while before my appetite comes back.

I pull down the driveway. I cut the engine but don't get out of the car right away. I sit there, completely frozen, clutching the steering wheel so hard that my knuckles turn white. I take a deep breath in and then let it out slowly. I'm terrified. Never in my life have I been so scared.

"What if they don't believe us?" I ask. "What if they think we're lying?"

"It's a risk we have to take." Bowie's voice is calm and steady. He's doing better than he was yesterday, like sharing his secret with me has already lessened the weight he's been carrying around. "I think they'll believe us. I hope they believe us. I mean, why would we lie?"

"Benson is the family favorite," I remind him. "He can do no wrong."

"Actually, he can. And he did." Bowie lets out a heavy sigh. "I just want all of this to be over. I want him out of my life. Out of our lives. Every time I see his face, all I can think about is what he did to Raelyn."

"I still don't know how you kept this to yourself for so long," I murmur. "It would have driven me mad."

"It almost did," he confesses. "I was falling apart, Gem. I was entering a really, really dark place. If I had gone on any longer... well, I don't know what would've happened. I don't wanna think about it."

"A while back, you told me that you understood why Raelyn killed herself," I say, hoping to refresh his memory of New Year's Day. "Was it because you knew what really happened with Benson, or because you could relate to the feeling of not wanting to be alive?"

He shrugs his shoulders. "Both, I guess." He unbuckles his seatbelt and gets out of the car. "Let's go in. Better to rip off the band-aid, you know?"

Reluctantly, I follow him.

He uses his key to unlock the front door. Inside, I hear laughter. Mom and Dad are in the kitchen, each holding a steaming cup of tea in their hands. The aroma of bacon, ham, and cheese assaults my nostrils. Most days, Mom's omelettes make my mouth water, but not this morning.

When I see Benson and Alyx in the dining room, I escalate from slightly nauseous to straight up sick to my stomach.

The couple is seated around the table, talking animatedly to each other. Alyx's red hair is pinned back in a half-ponytail—Raelyn's go-to hairstyle. Benson has one arm draped over her shoulder; his other hand is touching her knee. He's grinning from ear to ear, like he's the luckiest guy in the world with nothing, not a god damn thing, to worry about.

"Bowie! Gemma!" my mom exclaims. She scurries in our direction and pulls both of us into a tight hug. "Gosh, it's so good to see you guys!" She focuses in on Bowie, examining him from head to toe, probably to make sure he hasn't lost weight or skinned a knee. "You look tired, sweetie. Have you been sleeping okay?"

"I'm... I'm fine, Mom." He forces a smile, his blue eyes glancing toward Benson.

"What are you doing here, Gemma? Don't you have work today?" my dad inquires.

"I called out. I have some... personal things to take care of," I answer.

"Oh, okay." He nods his head. I can't tell if he believes me. "Either of you want breakfast?"