All These Years ➳ caмʀҽŋ au

I still feel everything when you are near

How would you feel if the biggest "what if" in your life is in front of you?

...she's asking you a question you couldnt recall
because the sight of her have your heartstrings unspoooled- tightening your tongue, your lungs and your throat.

How would you feel at the sight of her radiant smile glowing,but not because of you?

...Like the sight of her existence have you knowing,not ever did you find a girl so unbearable to look at. Because you were reminded with a shock how after all those years,maybe you've never fallen out of love.  It is still there forced to reside within the dark piths of your mind, your entity and your heart.

After all these years, everything about Lauren makes you wanna scream inside your head in a highpitched voice and somehow scream like a giddy highschool girl who just got her first kiss, on her first date. It makes you ecstatic to the point, the only word placating on your mind right now is "ohmygodohmyyohmygodohmygod"

One track mind about her memories. A trip down to memory lane, remembering the things that made you love her, things that make you happy; Like wait for your Christmas presents in the morning, a warm mint tea, banana flavored ice cream, and all the wonderful condiments in your perfect day combined.

She's just like the way you remembered her, except her green eyes doesn't remind you of home anymore. It reminds you more of not a place,not like home but - another transient season, specifically Autumn. She reminds you of the feeling of autumn just before a quick cold air hits your face, just before all the cooler cold was replaced. She reminds you of warm days before you're forced inside your home because of chilling winter air seeps through your bones.

A girl so witty, full of charm. Lauren is like an autum, a great antipod since the girl you love was born that Summer night in June.

Lauren, the girl you love. Love, not loved.

It never really sets in the past, now does it?

2 yrs later and You still remember her in every empty bottles of beer you finish ,vodka state of hookups that never last up to a month. You can see it vividly,hear it clearly...feel the echoes of your beating heart thrumming through the bones of your ribcages. It only screams Lauren.

Youre here at the club of Iñigo de la Fuerte, such long and foreign name for those tourist but you aren't one of them. You've been here before, way more times than you could count on your fingers. And probably way more times than the number of days a month holds. Its your safe space(you guessed by now)it was supposed to be.

They're fucking here! SHE'S HERE with her girlfriend.

Of all the visitors and of all the people gathering in the reunion,they're the first one you see. Of all your long timed classmate, its like your mind had a muscle memory - a need to find someone you cared deeply for such a long amount of time.

In a sound of chattering, greetings drowned out by late night toast of alcohol, stories of catching up with a batch of familiar yet unfamiliar classmates. She's the first one you see. Your eyes hold her sight which by now you dont know if its such blessing or a heartache...her mirth of laughter or her laughing at the presence of someone else she has.A girl she love. Lucy, you seem to recall.

You dont know how or when did it stopped but when there laughter died and she's looking at you in a haze of green lit dark night. You never seem to recall when or how did the moonlight set falls from her features. Delineating every aspects of her beauty you now have the unfortunate night to recall of.