The sickly sight and smell of over growing green mould between the cracks has me spiralling. The cold pebbles send spasms through my bones as I slide down the wall onto the floor once more. I'm shivering: the single layered glass lets in icy winds and it breaks through my skin and pains me like drilling into concrete. This room has been a locked vault for 3 months and I am not breaking free.
A thousand thoughts are racing through my mind and are followed by a stunning silence in my brain. Where did it go wrong? When did I lose the ability to think profoundly? All my thoughts are now cement: unable to escape the hellish nightmare of my poisoned perception.
I can feel my own pulse. Pump, flow, pump and flow goes the blood from the heart. The nerve impulses run up and down my body and the more I think, the faster they course. Each and every chemical spark in my body commits the ambivalent crime of drawing my attention away from the truth of how I got into this mess. How I am willing to let myself stay alive or even willing to not convince myself to smash through that teasing window and return to the corrupt world that brought me here.
My eyes gaze toward the single spot on one pane that is clear enough to let light through. The feeling of opportunity rises rapidly from places that I thought were buried long before I was brought here; long before the feeling of trepidation overruled my power. It's not worth it. The chance of true freedom is non existent after the trauma I have caused. Everything seemed to slow down for a moment as I was dragged back through my past. But no. My eye-line heightened and I sat and watched that one spot disappear as the moss that had captured the rest of the room spread amongst it; mocking me. All that is left is a dim glow that the dark green guards of the window can't stop from entering the inescapable escape from freedom that I once longed for.
Now I am stuck between the past and the future, forever.
