If I Could I Would [boyxboy]

Chapter Six

It’s blurry and my head hurts but somehow the sound of my alarm was worse.

I make my way to my washroom only tripping over my old white converses.

I look in the mirror and my eyes are puffy. It all comes back to me.

Him, yesterday, me, last night. It was all coming back.

I felt sick, but I felt empty like I was hollow.

I got dressed wearing my army T-shirt and my light blue skinny jeans. I start downstairs, but I forgot my converse so I have to go back.

When I go back, I grab my shoes and sit on my bed to get them on. I sit on my bed a while longer after I put my shoes on. I don’t know if I can face him. I don’t know if I want to. I do… But …. I. I don’t know.

I run downstairs, but just as I get to the kitchen my hot cup of coffee is waiting for me. My mother is really awesome. I know that sounds really cliché but she kind of is. She works in the morning, but always makes my coffee just right.

"Morning Mom." I say this trying to sound chipper.

"Morning sweetheart, are you going to catch the bus?" She says this while drinking her coffee and watching CNN.

"Yes, but maybe the late one." I say this trying to sneak the last part in, but it doesn’t work.

"The late one?" She says this putting down her coffee and looking at me with serious disapproval.

Since she was an immigrant I knew exactly what was coming.

“When I was in school if you were two minutes late they would lock the gate. If you were five minutes late you would have to pay the fee. And any later than that you would get beaten.” She says this and more as I make my way to catch the normal bus.

I kiss her goodbye and make my dreaded walk to the bus stop.

I see him as I get closer to the bus stop. I slow my pace but I know my mom is watching so I can’t make any turns. So I just keep walking.

And walking.

And walking.

I’m five steps away from him and I feel like I have dumbbells for feet.

I finally reach the stop, and he looks back at me and looks away. His eyes, even for that one second, pierced my soul. It’s like he shot me, but I can do nothing but stand still and die.

I somehow find the strength to walk the final two step to the bus and stand. I’m standing right across from him but a good meter away.

He’s looking at the ground, at the sky, at the road, but especially not at me. I feel the tension build as the wait increases.