You Are You

We have been friends for over two years now. But I didn't know until a few months ago, when she and another friend were joking during lunch about what life might be like for a gay person; how they can search for a partner and not know whether or not s/he was gay too.

She then admitted that she had a crush on a girl one time who was a grade below her and probably straight.

I was surprised, because she always appeared straight to me. As far as I knew, she had never gone out with a girl. I whispered:

"I had no idea."

I don't remember much of what happened immediately afterward, but at one point our friend turned to me and said, "And you're friends with this girl?"

"Hey, it doesn't matter, she's still my friend!" I responded. And it didn't, because part of what makes her a good friend was that she accepts me for who I am. I'm capable of doing the same for her, and every person I've met who's bisexual, gay, transgender, etc., because that's how they are. It's what makes them the way they are.

Eventually I figured out how she was able to hide it: she had a preference for guys. But it didn't mean that she didn't like girls too.

She had a good reason to wait to tell me. She didn't know what my reaction would be. But it was a test of friendship that I passed.

She obviously can't come out to everyone; she has friends who have strong religious beliefs. And one friend seems to keep her distance ever since she openly talked about it next to a friend who doesn't (and shouldn't) know.

I've kept my mouth shut and only talked about it to her and her only. I must appear as a good friend for her, the one who accepts and respects her wishes; she doesn't want everyone to know. It's a good thing I am typically a quiet person; quiet people make good secret keepers, after all.

She came out to others before me, including her parents, and I'm letting her choose who she tells. And she's lucky to have parents and certain friends who support her and accept her.

I know not everyone does.

There are people who are unique in so many ways... But nobody sees them as unique. They see them as burdens, abnormal, outsiders, see reasons to push those people away.

All because of the way they are, and who they love.

So I would like to send everyone who feels this way a little message: you are who you are for a reason. Even as a straight person, I support you. It doesn't matter if you are gay or lesbian or bisexual or transgender or however you identify yourself as.

You are you, and no one can change who you are meant to be.