All Things Must End (Dan and Phil Fanfiction)

Part 1 (Oli)

I wish I could have at least said goodbye.

I was editing our most recent gaming video - Bishi Bashi 3 - and laughing away at myself and Dan playing Beans. When I was almost done, just checking through for any mistakes or improvements, Dan stuck his head round the door.

"Hi" he said "Uhh, I was thinking of getting a pizza?"

"Sure." I replied, engrossed in my editing. "I'll have the Hawaiian thanks."

By the time I looked up he had gone, and shortly afterward I heard the slam of the door as he left the house. I set the video to upload at 9pm and sat back in front of the TV, half watching Eastenders while scrolling through my Twitter, waiting for Dan to come back.

After about 20 minutes I began to get worried. Eastenders came to an end and I turned off the TV, too worried to pay any attention. I tried to do some planning for our next radio show, but I just couldn't concentrate. I was sure Dan would be fine, just in a long queue or being chased by fangirls or...

Or having an exerstential crisis.

A lot of people think Dan just pretended he had these crisis' for entertainment value, but he really did have them. I often found him sitting, staring vacantly into space. I left him to it. If he could make fun of them in a vlog, surely they weren't too bad. They still worried me though.

A while later, I got really scared. I picked up my phone and speed dialed his number. He was set to 1. The person I called most, cared about most and talked to most in the world. He's still set to 1, even so long after. However, when I heard the ringing, I realised it wasn't just coming from my phone, it was coming from his too. It was still in his room. I was completely isolated from him.

I turned the TV back on and changed to the local news channel. The news reporter is going on about some weather warning or something. That won't matter to us - we'll just be inside. I'm about to flick it off again when her tone suddenly changes.

"Now for some new, breaking news. A car crash has occurred near the centre of the city this evening, when a drunk driver hit another car, then span off onto the pavement. Currently, we don't know if there have been any casualties, but at least 2 people have been rushed to hospital, the drunk driver included."

Shaking, I switched off the TV. Immediately I called the hospital.

"Hi, this is Phil Lester. My roommate Dan Howell has disappeared going to get a pizza near where the car crash occurred. I was wondering if... If you've taken him in."

My voice cracked toward the end and a tear rolled down my cheek. The woman at the end of the line asked for a description and so I gave her one. Male, 23, black hair in a fringe pushed to his left. Brown eyes. Very tall.

There's a couple of seconds wait and then a reply.

"He's here sir. Very badly injured. You might want to come to the hospital if you know him this well. And could you bring family details too? Thank you"

I rushed to the hospital and was sent to the emergency response unit. I was met with the news that Dan was currently undergoing a possibly fatal operation. I couldn't take it. I wanted to cry but nothing came. I just felt so empty. All I had was hope. Hope that, whatever happened, he survived.

An hour later, the operation was finished. Dan was wheeled out, unconscious but (for the moment) stable. The hospital let me sleep there for the night but I barely did, unable to settle due to the situation Dan is in. I only got a couple of hours overall because I need to get up early. Dan is conscious.

Dan laughs shakily when I walk in. His face is pale and he is hooked up to tens of machines. I breathe a sigh of relief. He's fine. He will be fine.

"Hi there" I say, smiling slightly.

"Hi." He replied, not quite as enthusiastic.

"What's the matter?" I ask, scared to know.

"I... I know they're saying I should make it and everything but... But there's so much pain." His voice shakes. "I'm not sure I even want to live like this."

Oh god no. Please, please no.

"I... Well... I have this feeling it won't go well. And I'm sorry that this happened and god I hate that it did and just... Just... Phil, if I die, tell them something, will you? Tell them that I love them and that I wish I could have had longer. Tell them that I say Goodbye. Goodbye Internet."

I don't know how he knew, but he did. He died that morning. His heart gave out. Even the doctors don't know why. It just happens.

I went home then, but it wasn't home anymore. It felt so big and so empty without Dan, without him slamming the doors and waking me up at 4am laughing hysterically at a Tumblr post. I moved out soon after but first, one final thing. I had a video to make.

I didn't do my hair, mess around with the lighting or wipe my red eyes. I didn't even edit the video. I just made it all in one take, described what happened and told them what he had said. I posted the video on his channel and logged off. I could never use youtube again now. It just wouldn't be the same.