Until we meet again...

Chapter 30

He was dead. Ethan was dead. And even though many of us couldn’t believe it, but he did leave us…for good.

 “Ethan always used to win at bowling. Actually, he always used to win at everything: The bets, the girls… And we always wondered how can he be that good at everything. Well I guess that was just what he is, good at everything... I will miss you mate!” Ethan’s best friend was the first to give the speech in his funerals.

“Ethan wasn’t only my cousin, he was my big brother… If you don’t know him well, you might hate him, because of all his arrogant and snobbish appearance. But, if you’re lucky to get closer, you’ll find out what an amazing person he is. He will change your world.”

“‘Why not now?’ was one of the many things I learned from Ethan. He always encouraged me to seize the moment and to never let things for later. But now I’m asking you ‘why now’ Ethan? Why are you leaving us now? Why gone too soon?”

One after one, his friends and family members… Each one said what he had to say. But what’s the use? He was gone, and no words we said could bring him back or lessen the pain and grief we all felt inside.

“When you were a little kid, you wouldn’t go to bed before I tell you a story and give you a goodnight kiss. It feels like it was a long time ago… I already miss you, son!” Ethan’s mother tried hard to hold her tears, “Goodnight, son! Sleep well.”

And then, it was my turn. What could I say? And whatever I say, could it be enough? I guess not. No amount of words could be enough.

“I don’t know from where to start or what to say. Because no matter what I say, I will never be able to depict what Ethan meant for me. Because there aren’t any words that are appropriate enough. But I just want you to know, Ethan, that you are literally the best thing that has ever happened to me. My life was colorless until I met you. And I am so grateful for that. I’m grateful that I met you. I’m grateful that I knew you. And most of all, I am grateful that I fell in love with you. Because the way you made me feel is just beyond description…You may not live in this world anymore, but you will always live in our hearts. I will always love you Ethan, in all the ways a person can be loved. And no matter how much I live, I will never forget how much you loved me. You will remain in my heart, and it shall be your everlasting home… Rest in peace, Ethan.” I put a flower on his grave, “… And now I guess it’s time for me to say goodbye. But I won’t. So this is not goodbye, this is until we meet again…”

         And just like that, in the day I was supposed to be walking down the aisle, I was giving my funeral speech. In the day I was supposed to turn and toss my bouquet of white and pink roses into the crowd of young women, I was putting some flowers on my fiancé’s grave. And in the day I was supposed to be wearing white, I wore black… It is really weird how in any moment, we can turn from completely happy to utterly sad. Maybe, it’s because we live in the real world where happy endings are just stories we tell ourselves. Ethan couldn’t give me a happy ending, and maybe not even a happy start too, but he gave me a very happy middle, and I am really thankful for that. So I’m not regretting anything. And in spite of the deep wounds in my heart and the empty hole in my soul, I’m not regretting that I knew him. And if I have to live the rest of my life with only memories of him, then may he just know that he gave me the most exquisite memories to live on…

Dreams are good, and having hope that they might someday come true is even better. It’s often good to dream, it’s good to believe in fairytales, but we should always remember that we aren’t the ones to write our own stories. And sometimes the ending isn’t as pretty as we imagined it to be… So I guess that’s the thing about fairytales, they aren’t for real.

                                          

The end.