I was broke from the inside. The sadness that was slowly eating me, finally devoured me. I couldn't overcover it. I hated myfelf. There was no answer to the memories I had, no matter how much I cried or screamed. I'd rather stop breathing instead of breath stuffy breaths. I asked myself who could be responsible for me. You were the one.I was completely alone. It was easy to say end it. It was hard to end it. I've been living with that problem. I wanted to run away. Right, I wanted to run away. From myself. I asked who was there. It was me. Again, me. And again, it was me. Why do I keep losing my memories. It's because of my character. I see how it is. In the end, it's all my fault. I wanted someone to know but nobody knew. No one would see me, so no one knew I was there. I asked myself why I'm living. Just because. Everyone just lives. I'll be dead when I asked you to die. I was suffering and worried. I didn't learn how turn boredom and pains into joy. Pains are pains. Don't do that, I pressen myself to say. Why ? Why can't I do what I want to until the end ? I tried to find out why I was in pain. I know very well why. I was in pain because of myself. Everything was my fault, I was worthless. Teachers, are you listening to these words ? No. I did nothing wrong. I thought it was easy to become doctor as he blamed my character with a soft Voice. It's amazing to see why it hurts to much. People who had it worse than me lived well. People who were weaker than me lived well. I guess it's not that. There is no one who had it harder than me, no one weaker than me. But I still lived. I didn't ask why it's like this hundreds of times for myself. It was for you. I wanted it to be for me. Pleas don't say anything you don't know. Find why was I looking for hardship. How many times did you tell me. Why am I having hard times. Will it be as hard as this ? Does the drama need to be more specifice ? Does there need to be more stories ? I already told you the story. You weren't pretending to listen were you ? I could overcome it, it won't leave a scar. I guess it was opposition against colliding with the world. I guess it wasn't my life that was supposed to become know with the world. So everything was hard. Opposition, collisitons, becoming know, was difficult. Why did I choose it. It was funny. Up until now I have endured well. What other words are there. Just say 'you've done well'. Just that much is good. Tell me I've done well. Even if you can't smile/laugh, don't send me away in blame. You've worked hard. You've really gone through a lot.
Goodbye.
