No Better Man (imagine )

~

I squirmed underneath the covers of my bed for what felt like a whole hour before I finally decided to just prop my pillows up and turn the tv on.

I hated feeling like this. The incessant pain between my thighs and the stiffness in my hips were driving me crazy and had me on the verge of tears. I rarely cried though. I was used to it. Or at least I should've been. To be afflicted with such a condition for almost 15 years, you'd think it got better or at least I got stronger dealing with it but it still hurt and it still made me feel ugly and burdening.

Miraculously, in my mess of a life and lack of a social life, I managed to meet Florian at a fundraiser dinner. The one time I was well enough to go and I stumble upon him. This big best of a man with the purest heart and kindest eyes. We instantly clicked but if I thought about it too long I concluded he was way out of my league. I'm not saying I'm not cute but he was....well let's just say the very first vacation we took together, I refused to take my swimsuit cover up off because I just knew I'd look like a cup of mashed potatoes next to his chiseled physique.

We'd been dating for almost a year and we'd only had sex twice. Not because I didn't want to but because I couldn't as often as we'd both like. The way my vagina ached and acted up on top of my arthritic hips, I wasn't sure when that was happening again. Sure we'd done some heavy petting and kissing since then. but I was honestly counting down the days until he decided he couldn't wait anymore and left. I mean they always left...or stepped out on me.

I looked at the clock on my phone and sighed loudly. 1:15am. I wasn't getting any sleep tonight and it was clear he wasn't stopping by tonight. He'd been in LA filming a movie. We discussed him staying with me while he was here but I didn't want him to see me this way. I wasn't ready. We'd been long distance for the better half of our relationship and I just wasn't ready to put images to the things I'd explained to him about my illness. I wasn't ready for him to leave me just yet. Sure he'd seen me naked in intimate moments but this wasn't that.

I winced in pain as I rolled onto my side and slid out of the bed, planting my feet on the carpeted floor. I had to pee and I held my breath anticipating the pain.

"Jesus, just gimme some relief." I muttered as i waddled to the bathroom. I needed it soon and very soon. My insurance company was being a bitch AGAIN and trying to tell ME that I didn't need my medicine anymore all because I hadn't had a follow up appointment with my doctor in the last 4 months. Now I was forced to wait another month to see him just so they could re authorize my meds. To say I HATED the American healthcare system was a gross understatement.

After using the bathroom, I made my way out to my kitchen for a snack. I hadn't eaten much. I never did with flare ups. It was too much of a hassle to get up and the pain usually took my appetite. Something had to give. I hadn't been to my dance studio in weeks. I was losing money by the minute not teaching classes.

I was moving hella slow and had only stepped into the living room when I heard a key jimmying in the front door. He insisted I give him a key in case I couldn't get up to open it for him. That made sense.

. I tried to scurry to the couch to sit down but of course I did too much and pain instantly shot through my lower half making me bend over and grip the arm of the couch, as I bit back a grunt of pain.

"Whoa, What happened? What are you doing?" His deep voice was laced with panic and concern as he set down whatever bags he had in his hands to come to my aid.

"I was- I was just going to the kitchen to get somethin' to eat." I grimaced as the pain slowly subsided. One of his hands was around my waist while the other held my hand in his as he helped
me to my destination.