Cursed Maylor Oneshots

Lovelorn

Brian May's P.O.V

12. January 197x

Word count: 1387

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Time flew by fast, so when Roger finally turned around and the full force of his erection came into view, I did the next logical thing: I jumped out of the bed and ran to the nearest chest of drawers on my left side.

"Oh, fuck!" I said, in an attempt to hide my excitement. I had never seen someone with such a load of man-meat in my entire life. I rummaged through the drawers and yanked out a Tomahawk and a half-ton of jumbo-sized beef.

"That's so hot!" Roger moaned.

"Oh yes, it is," I agreed, holding the enormous jumbo-sized beef in one hand and the Tomahawk in the other. "Do you know what I'm going to do, my boyfriend?"

Then the guy said, almost out of breath, "Yes, I think I am," glancing over at me and smiling widely as if to reassure me that his erection is not going anywhere. I was so excited that I nearly cried.

"I hope you don't mind me telling you, that this is one of the most amazing sex experiences I've ever had," I finished and got down on one knee.

I used the Tomahawk to slice the thick, juicy beef. It was really thick. It was thick and hard. I pulled out a meaty chunk and held it out in front of him. I told him to shove it in his mouth, so he could taste it, to taste every little morsel of meat that was stuck in there and also something else that didn't have the flavour of a meatball. I said, "Eat it, dear, and I swear I will kill you if you don't." I didn't think I was being mean, but it's the kind of thing that just slips out when you're having a good time. I put the meat in his mouth. He chewed and chewed and chewed and... my god, the anticipation is getting exasperating.

"Fuck!" he yelled, his eyes wide with a look of disgust on his face. He spat out a golden engagement band that I hid in the beef prior to this. I took a long moment to think about what to say to him, then I decided, "Will you be the kind of man that would be willing to eat beef with me, forever?"

He didn't say anything. He just sat there, his face a look of bewilderment.

"You've never eaten any beef before," he said, "you're a vegetarian so how does this work?"

"Just ask a cow, she'll tell you," I answered him, the words sounding like a joke, but I was serious. "So, you're going to eat beef with me forever."

"Oh... well... I... how should I say this?" He paused, before looking at me with a slight frown. "I'm so sorry Brian. I really am, but I'm just not ready for that type of commitment, not yet anyway."

I sighed heavily before answering him, "So... you think you're going to let me eat beef alone? But just so you know, the other night I saw you eating chicken, fried fucking chicken, with some other pretty face, and I was kinda thinking like 'oh shit...' and you didn't even notice me, you just... just... kept eating chicken, thinking it was some sort of delicacy... but you know I'm never going to eat chicken with you, right? I despise chicken!"

Roger's expression darkened, "Well, maybe I don't want to marry you because I just don't want to deal with your stupid meathead vegetarianism lifestyle shit! You need to act more like the rest of us, be normal for once, Brian." He stood up in anger, looking back at me with his fists clenched. I was in complete shock, but I knew I had to say something.

"I-I don't understand... Roger." I said desperately, standing up and looking at him, "I thought you started dating me because I was different from all the other dudes out there? Like, you always told me I'm a cool guy with cool hobbies and stuff. Or... did you just start seeing me because of your weird relationship with that one girl I have used to date? Because... maybe this whole 'I hate chicken' ordeal thing was because of her, have you ever given enough care to think about it in that way, huh? Have you?!" Tears started to set in my eyes.