Dear K,
Kumusta ka na? Hindi ko alam kung sasagutin mo ang tanong kong to sayo. It's been more than six months mula ng iwan mo ko. I really don't know how to respond in my situation. 6months are long enough to get over you, but here I am again crying all over again. How can I move on when I'm still in love wih you sabi nga sa isang kanta. Yes I still love you at ang hirap , It's February , love month. How will I celebrate this special occasion without you? Nakakafrustrate, a lot of insecurities come out. Para akong baliw. Do I need to celebrate?
Nakakatawa nga eh, showing ng Starting over again ni Toni G at ni Piolo Pascual. You know what, I am so excited watching yhis movie kasi pakiramdam ko makakarelate ako, pakiramdam ko kwento ko to. Valentines Day nun, and my friends invited me to watch this movie. I jjust tell to myself, okay maybe I really need this to come out from the dark and stop thinking of you. I don't know how yo react, I wanted to cry while watching the movie pero wala ng luha. I really feel I am Toni G in that movie. Ang sakit sa dibdib pero di ko na kayang umiyak. Maybe I am just so tired of crying. While watching the movie, I am so hopefull na magkakatuluyan sila kasi starting over again ang title eh, and I am really praying na sana ganun ang mangyari sa ating dalawa. Maybe at this moment tinatawanan mo na ko kasi I am still trying ang hoping for the two of us na kahit yung movie ginagawan kong ng situation para sa ating dalawa kasi hanggang ngayon gusto ko pa rin na bumalik ka. But at the latter part of the movie, malabo ma magkatuluyan sila amd in the end hindi nga naging sila. Piolo got married to another woman. And it was titled starting over again because Toni has to start over again kasi mula ng mawala si Piolo sa kanya, di na sya umusad. And at the end of the movie She found the man for her. Nakakatawa kasi ayokong tanggapin ang naging ending mg movie coz I don't want our own story be ended like this. There's a part there na si Toni keep asking bakit sila nagkita ulit tayo kaya kapag magkita ulit, what will happen. Pag nagkita ba tayo ulit , is this because we need closure? Or is this because we have to continue our relationship? I've waited long enough for the two of us at ayokong maend ang lahat ng yun. I am so frustrated.
How will I tell you this? Na kapag broken hearted ka, lahat na lang ng movies, songs at preachings akala mo lagi para sayo. Like one time, an officemate of mine told me to listen to a preach. A Preach of Pastor Robert, story of Samson and Delilah. There's also a series of preach and the topic is all about love and feelings. Pinakinggan ko lahat and yes it was all for me. God is so great showing and allowing all this to happen. Hindi to sinasadya, it's just that I need to be sensitive enough kasi hindi natin namamalayan na this is how God speaks to us. I still love you and I wanted to be with you again. I love you so much but I have to love myself more. Hindi pwedeng laging heart ko lang lagi.And I remember Pastor Robert said that we need to guard our heart coz "The heart is deceiptful above all things and beyond cure" -Jeremiah 17:9. Hindi totoo yung follow your heart. Kasi ibig sabihin lang nun, bahala ako sa buhay ko but God cares for me so much. I need to move on, paano? I need to start over again, start with God.
