HIDDEN FEELINGS

Chapter 20 (The memorial)

Emily POV

Today was Sunday 20th like other Sunday 20th I was in same black dress I wore at mother's funeral this dress always brought me nothing but pain and misery I could feel, see is my mother die over and over each time I wore it, one may ask why put on something that brings you so much heart ache and torture , not forgetting a river of tears, well its not like I enjoyed it was killing me as if a person kept wedging a knife into my already punk chad heart repeatedly cause each time I wore it it was like I was back to that fateful night and I would see my mother repeatedly get shot in back and watch her bleed to death ,  even if I wanted to save her and I couldn't cause  not matter how much I tried . I couldn't save her  , so I would be forced to watch her die over and over again in my arms like are ever ending nightmare all could do is cry because no matter how much I wished could save her or turn back time save my mother I wasn't able to cause wasn't some supernatural being who could save her using my powers I had to come to terms that she was no longer with me, I was only able to hold on to her memories and wish she was still with us , ya I was dying of heartache the pain would drive in me insane, my father and Aaron often worry I would relapse and this time that would never recover

I know most of you must be shocked that perfect popular Emily is not as perfect as you would have hoped what can I say " I'm only human and I bleed when I fall down." as Christina Perry put it in a song so for those of you thought that was some invisible popular bad ass chick am sorry to disappoint you but that is cold had truth, I was total opposite of what you would have hoped, I was anger filled, revengeful driven, broken bleeding soul who wanted nothing but solace and comfort and someone who would love me despite all my bad flaws and attitude problems and his love would heal me and be my shinning armor , and find true love just like my mother and father once had but I had so far failed in my Quest my boy friend of four years had cheated on me and boy that had always loved me I pushed him away and now that I loved him he had someone else in his life and could only be my friend

Ya that was my pitiful existence but before you feel too sorry for me I was drawing all my pain and hard lessons as a motivator to find who killed my mother so mercilessly in cold blood to do this I was going to stop at nothing until I brought them to justice I didn't care what rules I had break in order to see this through. Today was going to be another memorial where I had failed at this but at least I would have make it the best memorial ever and special , intimate affair with family and friends, as per usual I was stressed to the nail trying make everything perfect for my departed mother I would run run round house like person whose pants were on fire. I wanted make sure had my mums favourite flowers , her favorite song , her most beautiful portrait, an ocestra a catering service and prepared slide show of mums best photos and momeries with the family with a decorator to tie everything together it had to be perfect This was my mum were talking about here the woman who taught me everything I know in the little time she was given, above all writing my speech before calling Aaron and Michelle to prepare their speeches

Putting final touches to black lace long dress like said always wore on this day, I did my makeup effortlessly in a simple natural makeup look with nude lips and waterproof mascara cause I knew I will be crying all day today holding my hair in up do I did what I always did in this time, I knelt in front of our family altar and prayed for my mother soul.

Our heavenly Father , it had been 12years of heart ache and tears ever since my mother left us to be with you in heaven I remember it a though it was yesterday when my mum Eva water was cruelly stolen from us by heart less being who shot her point blank range and I had to watch bleed in my arms our mother was perfect and loved us just mother ought to she would listen to me comfort me whenever I had bad dreams she would rock me just as you would her baby until I fell a sleep not forgetting how she would us make me hot chocolate on cold days including baking me and our family cakes on the holidays prepare my uniform for school braid my hair always called  me her sunshine cause lit up her life when I was born and always showered me and my father with love and affection and made sure I never lacked anything I wanted or needed but because of that monster who stole her from us everything was short lived and at nine years old I was forced Watch something that most nine year olds would get traumatized watching I was forced to watch my mother Eva die in front of me I just pray she finds peace though her death as untimely and also pray you give me strength to fight and endure all the challenges I will face as I seek for justice for my mum and with your help Heavenly Father I know I will have strength to solider on and finally bring justice to my mother cold case in Jesus name I pray Amen.