All Things Must End (Dan and Phil Fanfiction)

Part 3 (Oli)

The night before I moved out from Matt and Louise's, I decided that I would try to remember everything. I lay on the sofa that was currently serving as my bed and tried my best to recall what I could about me and Dan.

I remembered how he was just a viewer who slowly got to know me and built a friendship with me. I remembered Philisnotonfire 1, and how we laughed at ourselves for hours. The Super Amazing Project, that we only recently announced we were stopping, the radio show - that ended too. And the gaming channel. That was new. But it's gone now. So are all the other ideas we had. But then, in my memories, comes the worst part. His death.

I remember how he went to get me a pizza and took so long. I remember getting scared, calling the hospital and finding out that he'd been taken in. I remember his last words to me. And then, I remember, he died.

The night I arrived at Louise's, I got a phone call from Dan's mum. She was calling about the funeral. I was asked if I wanted to write and speak a eulogy. Of course, I said yes. Who else would do it? I felt like i had to, as his friend. I spent most of the next few days writing the eulogy. It was never perfect, but then it never would be.

I must've read the goddam speech 50 times on the train down from Northampton to London. My sweaty fingers folded and unfolded the crumpled paper as I thought in silence. I didn't change it, even though there were so many things I hated about it.

At the funeral, which was based outside a small church near London, I found I was last to speak. Dan's dad went first, and began to talk about how he loved Dan so much, and that he could never be the same again now he was gone. I feel so sorry for parents who have lost children. The people they have created, taught, watched and assisted to grow, gone. Dan's dad's voice broke several times throughout his speech and I don't think anyone in the church had not shed a tear.

Soon, it was my turn to speak. I walked slowly up to the front and promptly dropped my speech. Normally, I'd laugh but I can't do it. It just reminds me of Dan. I pick up my speech, clear my throat and hesitate. This is the last time I can publicly talk to him. I want it to improvised, like I would say it to Dan. I lower the speech and begin again.

"Maybe you're out there. Maybe you're not. Maybe you're hearing this, maybe not. I wish I knew but I don't, however I want to say this either way. You have been my best friend for so, so long, and you mean more to me than anyone else in the world. God, I hate that this has happened and, well, it's fucked up that it has. One day, I will be courageous enough to read what the public are saying, what our fans have said, look through our things and remember. For now, I can't. It brings me too much pain. I will change the subject slightly now and use a line from a film we watched together a few months back now, because it applies to us so well. Some infinities are, in fact, bigger than other infinities, and ours was definitely bigger than Hazel and Augustus's. However, it didn't last forever. It has ended now, and I know I can never see you again, never watch you smile, never have to get up for you to get post. I did, however, have the privilege of doing this for a while, and it is a privilege I will always be happy that I had. So thank you, Dan. Thank you."

**NOTE: All credit for the quote on infinities goes to John Green**