The Unwanted Mate (The Mate Series: Novel 3)

Chapter 8:

Chapter 8: Not yet

Nikole-

    The plane ride from Arizona to Michigan was nice. It was the first time in a long time Tony and I had actually gotten along for over 10 minutes- while actually talking to each other. But after awhile I could tell he was tired.

    "Tony, you should nap." I whispered.

    He shook his head, "I'm fine,"

    "No," I argued. "You're getting circles. Sleep. I've got home work to do any way." I lied. but he nodded tiredly and rested his head back his eyes watching me until he fell asleep. only then did I get the courage to scoot close enough to whisper in his ear. "Tony?" I asked, quietly. He didn't move, didn't even change his breathing. So I leaned closer. Slowly. Carefully. My heart beating wildly against my ribcage. Then I gently pressed my lips to his.

    I sat back shocked at the warmth that spread through my body. Surprised by the... gorgousness of this moment. This stolen moment. The moment that belonged to me. The moment he wouldn't even remember.

    I wiped a tear that fell. I'd just had my first kiss and the man I shared it with wasn't even awake to know I'd chosen him as my first. I turned toward the window and calmed my breathing. My heart still beat rapidly. I felt warm, and... tingly. I looked back at the man who'd taken care of me. Who'd saved me. The man I could never repay. The man I'd always loved, but I realized, the love I felt for him now... It was different and it would only continue to change.

    Before my thoughts and feelings could evade me, I grabbed my notebook. I wanted to remember these feelings coursing through me... Because for some reason I felt as if they were going torn out from under me. I needed to remember this. Needed to cherish this. I couldn't let it be over, not yet. Not ever.

Dear Me,

    I love him.

    Yes another bittersweet confession on my part. I realize now, from the first moment I'd seen him, his eyes-- shining with so many emotions, so much intensity. His harsh features softening at the sight of my bloody appearance, I had loved him. At first, of course, it had been the simple love of a child. I'd known that if there were anyone on Earth who would protect me, it would be Tony.

    But somewhere along the road of growing up, my innocent love for him has changed. Over the years, I realize my feelings will only continue to deepen, and grow. Now no matter the arguments I have with him, or myself, I know I love him.That I'll always  want him. I crave him. He is the one who fills my dreams with visions of kisses and warm touches. It is need that throbs inside of me, fills me, makes the nights I spend at home in my room intolerable and restless.

    Knowing he's asleep in the room just beside my own. He's always slept in that room beside mine.  When I was little it was in case I had a nightmare. Some nights, I'd hear him moving around in his room restlessly, prowling. I listened, and imagined him debating on whether or not to come to me, sliding into the bed with me, his strong finely muscled body moving against me, over me. But he never did. It makes me wonder if he'll ever... He never seems to see me as anything more than the child he's raised. And how could I expect him to?

    Am I a freak? Am I as sick as my father had always accused me of being. "A woman marked with the sins of her mother, forced to suffer the same unnatural needs." I had always wondered what those 'unnatural needs' of hers might have been...

    I stop writting, thinking out my closing paragraphs for my deepest entry. I shake my head, feeling the light weight of the ponytail at the back of my head sway as I move. Then lowering my hand to the bottom of the page I finish with;