The Boy In The Boarding School

(Chapter 1 Fear)

I am worried but not afraid because they said I don't need to be, but then again he's a lying drunk anyways. I don't like how they look at me here. I don't
Know what they are saying and they cut my hair, I'm getting scared but I'm not too worried now.
They make us eat this disgusting food I don't like it but they don't give us anything else except that and I don't want to be hungry later on They put me in a room with others I don't know who they are but they all look unhappy. I am lonely for home, but I know it will just be worst then here so I guess for now it will have to do. This room is scary. They slap my hand if I speak but if I copy them they don't slap my hand and I still wonder what they say.

The old man touched me in the night and I tried telling the woman but she didn't listen to me and just walked away. I'm scared but not that worried I guess. Being twelve and everything they tell me to been a man and say I should not be scared but I am because they hurt me, they scare me.
I try to run today but they caught me and now they put me in a room. I'm waiting for them and hearing the "footsteps. I am terrified but not too worried. The bruising and slap marks are not showing but it hurts when I move. but It's alright because they let me stay in bed but still made me eat that damn food again, if I don't the woman will hit me again I can't handle that much ever more so I just ate it

It's been two years in this place called school but realistic ally it's just hell but I still have four more years in this place. The man doesn't bother me anymore but does go to the younger boys room and what he did to me he does to the other boys. I feel helpless. I wish I can help them but they would probably hurt me until am all bruised up. I am already bruised up from the last time I tried to escape and am not in the mood for another fight. It's really scary but I hold my self back because I remember that old drunks' words "don't be afraid that's how they want you to be". It still pisses me off that I remember his words, the most out of everything he ever said. It's getting old how I live my life now and the escaping will never work. I'm still going to try I can't just give up. The worried feeling haves gone away instead it's filled with hatred and the scared feeling is getting worst every second I am here. And I sad at times. I hate this place.

I'm sixteen now and it's gotten better or maybe I have just gotten used to how I am living. I almost escaped today and now they're keeping a close eye on me. I still knew that they always forget to lock the back of the church door. I am thinking about how to get there without them seeing me but there no one guarding my door like they always do when I try to escape I think they have given up. I'm at the door but it's locked and I think they know now. Yesterday way not a great day for me they come out of a dark place in the church and

beat me up right in the church. They call themselves priests huh? They sent me back to my room all blooded up and bruised but that's ok because I knew they would find out. I just needed the matches they had in the church. I am going to try to start a fire and when we all go out I will try to run before they even know. I hope all the kids get out before it gets worst. I'm outside and I start to run but a priest was right behind me.
I can't see him but am still not out of the clouds yet because I still need to find somewhere to hide for the night. Maybe I should go to that old drunk's house but he may throw me out again. I may as well find a hole or something for now. In the morning I see all them looking at me. I whispered "shit" and they picked me up, took me back to the school and beat the living daylight out of me again but what the hell was I expecting anyways to live a normal life? No that wouldn't ever happened to me. Happiness is not

for me. I will just live this hell over and over again. I'm eighteen now I still have one more year to go and I'm so tired. I don't even care anymore about this and how can I? When I'll be living a hell most of my life. Nothing has change maybe the only things that have changed is that the old priest is gone now and the kids are not getting bothered by him, I heard that one of the older kids kicked the shit out of him and he left.
It makes me laugh to know that he got beat up by a seventeen year old. He deserved it for all the shit he done to the children...to me and now I am almost done this hell. Maybe I should try to escape again maybe they would care about me this time or maybe... it doesn't matter anymore right? I just got this year and one more to go.

She look at me sometimes I like her. She's different then the other girls and has beautiful brown eyes and her hair moves in the wind so nicely. I seen her today. Her hair is cut but she's still so beautiful and she's not coming around here anymore and I'm worried for her. Maybe I should look for her when we all go outside I should talk to her. I find her but can't go to her because there's a priest keeping an eye on me and if he sees me he will probably do something to her. When I was sneaking out for something to eat that's not their disgusting food I see her in the kitchen eating a sandwich. I talked to her. It lasted for a long time until we both heard someone and ran for it. I like her so much. I'm going to marry her, maybe I'm in love with her. I haven't seen her for the rest of the year and I try to look for her but I can't seem to find her anywhere. I'm in my last year now and it's stupid as always. I'm going to find her this time. One of the guys gave me a poem that she made for me and it looks like she'll find me instead...
            
The boy in the kitchen
Falling in a deep sleep,
In a small nightmare,
I fall in love with a boy,
Who has never loved before,
I find myself scared of him,
He's new,
Different then others,
Who are you to him?
He's like Fall so much change,
Big brown eyes takes me hostage in a small nightmare,
This beautiful nightmare is more like a dream with him in it,
My prince will save me in this small nightmare,
  I find a beautiful rose that is guarded by thorns laying in a field of loneliness,
I fell so hard in love with you,
Is it real to fell this hard in a dream?

I fell for a poem girl it makes me laugh but it means she wants to see me again. I will write to her and tell her I want to see her tonight at the kitchen at the same time. I'm in love with a writer and a beautiful one too I can't wait to see her again she is the last happiness in this hell hole I lived for 6 years now. I am going to the kitchen I hope she is there waiting for me but I don't know if it will be safe but I want to see her so badly I don't care what happens to me. I see her. She's so beautiful more beautiful then before I can't seem to get everything out of my mouth I must look pretty dumb to her by now and I hope she didn't look down on me because of it. We talked for so long I almost forgot what time it was until I seen the sun and we both hurry to our rooms. Every time we pasts each other I would touch her hand to let her know that she isn't alone in this nightmare. We both go back to the kitchen and we always talked about something in our lives and the only thing that brought her in tears was when I told her about the old pervert that use to do bad things to me. Everything else was pretty okay.

She laughed a lot about how I always tried to escape I don't know how it made her laugh but it did and
I am happy to see her laugh so beautifully. It was the last day and I was packing up. I don't know where am going to live but what I do know is am going to marry her. I went outside and I see her the first time with normal clothes and my god I have never seen something so gorgeous in my live...she walk up to me. I looked at her and "wow, you look beautiful" I said she replied with a blush. I loved that about her. That everything she did was beautiful how I got so lucky in hell hole. "Do you have everywhere to go?" she asked. "No". She looked at me and said "I can't have my future husband living homeless can I". I wanted to cry but I didn't I smiled instead and when we walk to her car. I only looked back once and I signed to myself.