13 Reasons Why [L.S.]

Tape Three

I take a meditating breath before pushing in the next tape. I already feel like I've heard more than enough of a reason for him to not want to live, but I'm only at tape three so there's probably a hell of a lot more to go.

"Back at it again with the reasons to not wanna live.

Now, the person listening to this definitely knows why. Because Zayn, if you thought one tape was enough for how you screwed me over, I'm sorry to disappoint and say there's more. Because, I loved you, Zayn. So much. But never as more than friends. I looked up to you as a little brother looks up to his big brother. So this went deep. 

The night after I heard Zayn say those things in the bathroom and I skipped school, I was lying on my bed when I heard a small rock slam against the window. I went to it, opened it and looked out seeing you, Zayn, in my backyard. Not exactly what I expected after you said those insulting things." 

I think I know where this is going, and I do not like the direction of it.

"So then he asked me to come outside so we could talk - and I genuinely thought he would tell me that he didn't believe those rumors, that he would always be my best friend - so I agreed and went outside. When he started talking though that hope vanished at the speed of lightning. You said we couldn't be friends anymore, Zayn. You started assuming that I had feelings for you since I was gay and you didn't feel the same way. So, because you thought I had a crush on you or something you told me that we couldn't be friends anymore. That I needed to distance myself from you. That I was ruining your reputation."

I can clearly hear Louis crying as I process what he's saying. This is not okay. My grip around the cassette tape tightens as my eyes squeezes shut. My heart is filled to the brim with compassion for this boy. I wouldn't wish what he went through upon anyone in this world. Not even Zayn, even though I quite dislike that boy at the moment. 

"First of all; I had never imagined you as anything other than a friend. Never. You know, just because I'm gay doesn't mean I go around fantasizing about and crushing on every guy I see. I'm guessing you don't with girls as well. So, don't make dumbass assumptions like that. Really, I shouldn't be explaining myself, because you're the villain in this story. I didn't do anything to hurt in any way, but what you said, Zayn, that really broke my heart."

You have no idea how furious I am with Zayn right now. I could just go right up to him and rip him apart and-- Okay Harry, calm down. 

I take a deep breath through my nose letting it out through my mouth again.

"I tried explaining myself in that moment though, but you didn't listen. You just walked away, leaving me to sulk myself to sleep. So, Zayn, I really hope you feel bad for your actions, because yours were the ones that hurt me the deepest." 

The tape stops quickly after the last sentence. This was a short one, but I don't think the poor boy could handle saying anymore. I really do hope Zayn felt guilt when he listened to this. 

I'm assuming that this box of tapes has been in the hand of every person who has a tape dedicated to them. And since I'm on the last one, I don't think I have to send it any further. 

Now let's move on.