Love My Beautiful Form Of Self Destruction

Prologue

Brandon Delgado

© 2014, Brandon Delgado. Except as provided by the Copyright Act [date, etc] no part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Love, Our Beautiful Form of Self Destruction

Page 1

Prologue

The silence above here is almost able to consume my every thought, my every memory, but I cannot silence these thoughts of you going through my head. This venomous sting of pain coming deep within my chest generates these thoughts that are rapidly overtaking every action I take. My body has mostly gone numb and all I can feel is this sharp pain where the fragments of my heart would be, or maybe it could be the fact that it is eleven degrees up here. I tend to be a tad melodramatic and the one to address every feeling ever with a metaphorical phrase but like whatever who doesn't, right? I am almost blinded by the lights that surround me; I got to say it's a beautiful winter night here in Paris.

I may have taken things way out of proportion, but hey I deserve a dramatic cessation. My chest continues to ache while my head is spinning because my mind goes to these worst-case scenarios of what you may have been doing tonight. I need to check my phone at least one last time before I do anything too drastic, not to tweet my final goodbyes, but to see if maybe you had the decency to at least text, call, face time, snap chat, tweet, Facebook message, anything would have sufficed at this point. I see you were online Facebook 24 minutes ago, why where you on Facebook 24 minutes ago, its 3 am, who else could you possibly be talking to.

Great now I'm on your Facebook page and your profile picture is still your smiling face in that damn pink dress, this is ridiculous. That god-awful picture was taken the same day we had our first kiss, the sight of that picture makes my blood boil. You must know that I probably go on your Facebook page about 10 times a day, no surprise that you haven't changed it, you are more than adequate to long my suffering with the thought of you looking so beautiful, never to be mine again. Your lips give off a lustrous shine with that pink lip-gloss on in your profile picture and I can almost still taste the strawberry. That first kiss was like anything I've ever experienced, sure I've had my share of first kisses but when I kissed you for the first time, I swear fireworks went off in my chest. I remember every little detail of that night and I wish I could just erase the memory of it. I remember you not letting me drive because I'm such a shitty driver, but when I was behind the wheel it made you laugh, and that was worth the embarrassment of my lack of motor skills. Then there we were at the movie theatres with the already known decision to watch Dawn of The Wolf-Apes because all I did was talk about how critics gave it such great reviews. I can't even tell you if the movie was good or not to be honest. I wasn't able to pay attention to the whole damn movie, all I was able to think of was this electrifying feeling going through my whole body over the simple fact that I was holding your hand. Then of course I remember getting back to the front of your house and experiencing the most breathtaking kiss in my entire life. Following the kiss I had stumbled back to my car after you went inside. Man that kiss was intoxicating.

Okay I need to get off your profile page, because my mind keeps taking me back to our memories and it's making me feel nauseous. I check my chat box and your smiling face, pink dress wearing picture lights the green go signal next to it. I need to think fast, how do I even tell her the situation I'm in right now. "Hey I'm on top of the Eiffel tower contemplating if I should jump or not, what's up with you?". Scratch that, it may come off a little too eccentric and she may call the police instead of showing up. I should just send a bunch of crying and heartbroken emoticons, perhaps that will get her attention. Then again it may come off way too desperate and pathetic, screw it I'll just jump and you can find out in the morning.