13 Reasons Why [L.S.]

Tape Four

"So, ended on quite a sad note there huh? Well, what did you expect. These are the reasons I killed myself after all."

I hear Louis trying to chuckle as if making a joke, but I clearly notice the sad undertone of the laugh. It's probably killing him twice as much to sit and explain this as it is for me to listen to it.

"But, back to the point, this tape is dedicated to my old soccer team - more directly the team captain, Nick Grimshaw."

No surprise there really. Nick is the person who've been in the lead the times I've been bullied. He doesn't do the dirty work, he just stands a few feet behind, directing every person to hurt the designated victim. It's a very smart trick, really. If the bullies are caught beating up someone, Nick can slowly tiptoe away without being noticed, and so it doesn't look like he did anything. And people wouldn't ever dare to out him to the teachers, because then they would get the next turn.

"As I mentioned I was a part of the high school soccer team. Until some unfortunate, very uncomfortable things happened, and those I will explain now. It's quite a long story and includes several people so the soccer team has been assigned three tapes in total."

Oh, they really must have done some screwed things to him to deserve three tapes.

"The day after Zayn had made a visit to my house, I went to school after having skipped school a couple of days of pure embarrassment and fright. But since my mom had practically forced me out of bed telling me I couldn't miss anymore school, I had to. So, I went to school that day expecting the worst. And that's certainly what I got."

I really have to try to stop letting my imagination take control over my brain before I hear the full story, because what I imagine are some terrible things. But, what happened to him might as well be too.

"I went into the locker room before soccer practice hoping to just be ignored, but instead everyone stopped in their tracks and started glaring at me. Obviously they had planned out what would happen and what they would do when this time came, because they all moved around the room to a certain spot resulting in them surrounding me. They stood in an unbreakable circle around me, Nick standing inside of it as well, looking disgustingly at me. I'm sure you remember what you said next Nick, don't you? You told me that you guys didn't want a disgusting, sickening, repulsive, criminal guy that didn't deserve the right to live on your team. Then you went on a rant about how gross I was and how nasty of a human being I was. I tried explaining for what seemed like the 50th time that week that I didn't actually do what Taylor had told the whole school, but like everyone else you didn't even bother to actually hear what I had to say.

Then you started saying that you had noticed me always looking at guys' private parts - though you used another word for those - around the locker room. You called me pervert and disturbed and said something was wrong in my head because I found boys attractive.

At that point I was crying. I hadn't ever once even thought about any of the guys on my team that way. I'm not gross like that, plus, I know when not to get a crush on guys. Seems like everybody just assumes that because I would rather be in a relationship with a boy than a girl, I find every male on this planet highly attractive. Let me break it to you now that I don't.

I had my eye on someone else, I have had that for a long time. I could never ever do what you accused me of Nick."

The 'had my eye on someone else' was embarrassingly enough the thing that caught my attention the most. Of course Nick is a dickhead and doesn't at all deserve the life he has, but Louis had a crush on someone. That someone being a guy. That at least increases my chances, right?

"But that didn't matter to you did it? You went on for what seemed like hours about every little thing you thought was wrong with me. It bruised my self-confidence with hard rocks, but I stood through it all. Not without letting a few tears slip here and there, but that didn't matter. I could see a couple of the guys around me, the ones I used to be closest to, starting to feel bad, but did they do anything at all to help me in any way? No. Because the didn't have the damn guts to stand up to the alpha. Which just confirmed for me how scared and how much of a pussy each and everyone of you are.

But I had took it, and so far it had only been words. You had only verbally hurt me. I thought I could deal with that, but then. Then you became violent.

Stay tuned for part 2 of this sick, terrible story......or whatever."

And that ended tape four. I couldn't help but agree with everything Louis said. Because he was right. He said the damn truth. The one nobody had ever before dared to speak aloud. That just confirms how brave of a boy he is, and makes me nothing but adore him even more. If that's even possible.