Elusive Magic (Book 9, of the Ink Series)

Drunk

"I'm Hope, and I am an alcoholic," I said, looking around the room at nobody in particular.

"Hi, Hope." Everyone says in unison.

"I haven't had a drink in ninety days." I clear my throat and go on. "I guess I am not surprised I am here and going through this. I've been through a lot of shit. None of it ever seemed that big of a deal until recently." I frowned.

Nobody said anything. There's just an eerie silence in the church basement, and I don't like it.

So I go on to end it. "Five years ago, we were expecting twins. And on the day they were born, one of them...died. He passed away an hour after he was born. I now know it was the saddest day of my life, and that's why I am here."

More fucking silence. "I've been struggling to get myself together. Some days I am okay, and other days I blame myself for everything that goes wrong. My daughter is ten and thinks she doesn't need me anymore. And my husband is either in the studio working on the new album or hovering over me. I think he thinks I am going to kill myself."

Turns out I take after my dad in more ways than I ever wanted to. Or maybe it's just the grief over losing a child. It could even be an excuse because I just liked to drink. I wasn't so sure anymore.

I help clean up the chairs, and when I am done, I grab my purse and head for the stairs. I didn't feel like talking to anyone today. They all meant well, but I wasn't in the mood.

My phone started ringing before I even got to the parking lot. I fished it out of my purse and answered it.

"Hey, Dad." I moved slowly through the parking lot to my car. "Yes, I do plan on coming sometime this week. Yes, I do know there is a lot to go through." I made it to my car and sighed. "Nona has only been dead for a week."

I let him rattle on about my stubbornness to help him get through the grieving process, and I climb in.

"Are you done?" I sigh. "I have two kids at home who are in school right now. Slade is working on an album. The kids don't want to come to Cherry. I'm not sure why....they just don't. I will head there Tuesday night."

He keeps right on. I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying and lashing out at him. "Dad, I think Slade is calling. I have to let you go. I'm not home. I just got out of a meeting. No, I'm fine. I know why people go to meetings. I'm fine." I end the call and drop it beside me in the passenger seat.

I head for the expressway, turning up the music. I even roll down the window and revel in the spring air and sun on my face. And then the phone rings again, and I have to kill the music and roll the window up so I can hear.

"Hey, hubby. What's up?

"What do you mean we are taking a trip?" My eyebrows squish together, and I am starting to feel a little sweaty. I hate traveling. "Slade, I just got off of the phone with him. What do you mean you told him we would come?" I shake my head. I can't believe they planned this trip home without me.

"I will talk to you when I get home."

I turn the music back up and start screaming the words out loud because I am so frustrated. Nona passed away, and I am trying my hardest to get through it without a drink. I really want a drink.

Static takes over my tunes, and it's so loud I can't stand it. I try shutting it off, but it just keeps right on going. And then the car swerves to the left, and I have to slam on my brakes right before I fly into the median. A guy in a red car speeds around me. I'm sure he is cussing me something fierce.

I pull off at my exit and make it to the stoplight. I finally get the radio off and can hear again. What the hell was that?

My phone's notifications start going off, one right after another, when I pull into the driveway. I check to make sure the kids aren't around and park.