To Protect And Serve

Prologue

The sound of waves crashing on the beach provide the only break in the morning stillness. Wheeling high above, a seagull searches the beach for easy pickings. The tangy smell of the salt and fresh morning air mix for an invigorating cocktail.

I step out onto the porch of my beachfront bungalow and stoop to tie my running shoes. Sunshine bathes the whole beach in bright light, but the temperature is towards the chilly side with a cool breeze blowing in from the Gulf of Mexico. The breeze makes me grateful for the high tech running gear.

Even before I take my first step onto the beach, my mind has already decided where I am going. The steady beat of soft rock gives a natural cadence for my run. The soft beach sand pulls at my feet, trying to hold me back.

I run for about 2 miles until I come to a small rocky hill. I pause for a few minutes and the memories start to flood back. I staunch the flow though; this is neither the time nor the place. Muscles burning and sweat pouring down my face, I climb the hill.

As I descend the other side of the ridge, a large flat rock comes into view. This is my stopping point. I settle down on the rock, and now I can allow the memories to come back. Now that the dam is breached, the flood is overpowering and painful. I grasp my head with my hands until the flood subsides and I can process the memories.

The pain of love found and love lost is like a pair of "concrete shoes" pulling me down into an ocean of depression and memories. I have no regrets for the choices I've had to make, but that doesn't keep the hurt from tearing into me.

I know that I did the right thing in choosing to kill the woman I loved, but it still hurts me every single day. It was her life or the life of millions of others. I would've made the same choice a thousand times out of a thousand. I am Jackson Mancel and I have taken an oath to protect and serve.