When i woke up this morning i told myself that i was going to stay strong and pull through the day, i told myself, "dont let anyone get to you" and to ignore everything and just smile. I went about my morning business, opening the blinds, taking a shower, then getting myself dressed and ready for school, I opened the front door ever so quietly, remembering that my older siblings were fast asleep and i didnt want to wake them up. I locked the door as i left and began walking to school, Leaving the driveway and turning left and walking up a steep hill, as im walking i think to myself, *what is the point of this, i mean, im only going to get hurt*. I arrived at school with a smile on my face and maintained it for the whole entire day, No body here cares about me, not even my boyfriend who wants to break up with me because he likes the single life, i know people say they care but it doesnt feel it. Inside it feels like the devil is grabbing my heart and ripping it sideways, biting and chewing on it with his razor sharp teeth, it feels like he is putting fire into my head and there is a terrible thumping behind my eyes and all i can think is dont let yourself down and keep smiling, so thas what i do, Im trying to hold it back, i dont want anyone having to deal with me or my problems, i can do it myself, im a big girl. But then i start thinking of my boyfriend and i hold it back, but im about to burst, he wants to leave me and i want him to be happy, but at the same time i dont want to let him go because i love him too much. Everyone around me stand atleast a head taller than what i am and even though theres that one person who shows how much they care, you still feel like nobody cares , you still feel that demon inside you tearing you apart and as much as you try, and as much as you percieve to get rid of the evil inside you it stays, and you know it isnt going to go away, but you still try, because oneday, its going to eat you up inside like its slowly doing to me and you wont kno what to do, and i can guarantee at recess and lunch time, i will have to smile and pretend everything is okay when inside of me, im hiding in a little corner in a tiny room with my head down and blood dripping from my arms and uncontrollably crying , and deep down i know that when i burst, im going to go back to the person i was, you know? that girl that everyone hates , the one everyone is scared of, the one that carries around a razor blade in her school dress pocket, the one who wears long sleeves and hides her cuts and scars, the one who is addicted to black and talks about dark evil things, but at the moment, im containing myself, im trying to hold back but i can guarantee that sooner or later, the devil is going to take over me.
