I don't understand, why I feel so worthless sometimes. I can laugh, smile and have fun. Yet I end up questioning myself if it was real or why did I do something during the day.
I question if I was annoying or in the way. Although I had fun that day at the end it's not the same. I put myself so far down I don't think I should be able to get back up. Yet I do. I get up and I'm in a never ending cycle, a spin the wheel of emotions.
I don't understand how people can stand me if I can't stand myself sometimes. I'm flawed but I listen to people's problems, let them have someone to relate too and tell them words I'd want to hear.
Even though I want to hear those words I won't. I don't deserve it, I won't ask for them and I sure as hell wouldn't be able to bear being so vulnerable, so worthless in front of someone.
It's kinda ironic that I hate pity but desire someone to reach out. I see myself different to what you'd expect, but if you can't see me suffering then maybe I'm not that important to you. Maybe I'm fooling myself and maybe I'm expecting too much. I know I'm not worthless but I feel as though I am.
I am replaceable. I'm not a first choice, and yet I'm still trying to please you and make you happy. It may never be enough for myself especially if I feel worthless.
Written: 19/06/19
Finished: 12:45 am
Not edited
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