tenth entry

184 23 6
                                    

august 2

dear ashton,

why?

why you're back in coma again? you only awake one night, and i didn't see you open your eyes. then you're back to your endless sleep again

ashton, you gave me hope, and i believe in you

i believe that you'll get through this. i believe that you can win over this stupid cancer. i mean, it's already in your name. irwin

okay, bad joke. 

but if you're awake, i know that you'll laugh even though my joke was bad. you always laugh

you're not struggling alone, ashton. because i'm struggling too. i'm struggling in life without you. no one can make me happy. no one. only you who can make me happy. 

how about we make a deal?

you fight with your cancer, and i fight with my life. i want to feel happy again ashton. even if it would be harder since you're not around. but i'll try it for you. because i know for sure that you don't like to see me upset. you don't like to see me sad. you like to see me happy. maybe that's why you always make me happy

and you should promise me that you'll get better. you'll come back to me

promise me you'll come back to me

love,
antonia

i think i crush your hope oops sorry
ily guys

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