journal ➸ a.i au

eleventh entry

august 5

dear ashton,

so, i tried to make myself happy again. i let people in (besides you) in my life again. i try to laugh and smile in their attempts to lighten up the air. and i did. i did it ashton.

by the way, your friend calum is totally hilarious and sweet. we often talk from heart to heart

before you think that i have feelings on calum, don't. because i can't see him more than a friend. he's not you, ashton

my life has been good. i just realized that a lot of people care about me. i can deal with those pity looks and sympathetic talks. they do it because they care about me. and i feel guilty that once i hate them because of it

i hope you don't hate me because of my terrible attitude, ashton

i know i'm getting there. i know i almost being as happy as i used to be. but almost is never enough, ashton. want to know what will complete my happiness?

yeah, that's right. it's you.

please wake up, ashton
and this time, please don't go back to sleep again

always missing you,
antonia