I've always been up for dangerous and edgy stuff, but this time was different . I couldn't go back ; I wouldn't go back . maybe now they will get off my back a little , or maybe they'll come back 10x harder .
***
If only I had seen it coming . of course they wouldn't ease up . so many thoughts are racing my mind and I still don't know why. Was it for the time I told the homeless man I had no money to give, but lied? I know I had just got money out of the bank, but he didn't ; or maybe the time I stole liquor and drank my problems away? Do they want sobriety from me? Do they want kindness from me? WHAT DO THEY WANT? I want silence , but the voices don't go away, they never go away . . . this is it , "c'mon , take a step further" the voices in my head say . do I want this? the voices will not stop this time . I need to go . I HAVE to go I just want them to stop , all the voices . . . everything . I take a step further . this is the only way . I look down "c'mon don't be afraid" they whisper. Darkness is all I see . I take a step further . will this be enough to silence them? "JUMP ! DO IT!" they're shouting. I can't take it anymore . . . . I jump. they're screaming and crying . did I do something wrong? THIS is what they wanted! but the screaming and shouting is quickly replaced with silence . is it over? the darkness turns to a setting . my mom and brother are now looking down into a hole six feet deep . they're crying . why are they crying? they should be happy . there is silence . "MOM!" . . but she can't hear me . if only I'd talk to her, she would've helped . but it's too late . the noises have burned I out, and so have I . . . .
