🌼🌹 Do I love you, really? ~ Alemanda/Mandalesha🌹🌼

✨ Chapter 9 ✨

Amanda's POV:

But the urge was there. I picked up the scissors tracing the sharp metal edges with my finger. I closed my eyes and took a couple of deep breaths... before placing the scissors back on the counter. Alesha wouldn't want me to do this. 

Suddenly my phone started to ring. Quickly, I scrambled out of the bathroom to pick up my phone. "Hello Ms Holden" spoke a voice, with a strong Spanish accent. "Could you come to the hospital as soon as possible?" The voice asked. Almost instantaneously, I picked up my hand bag and walked out of the hotel "Yes, of course. On my way now" I responded. I got a taxi to the hospital and arrived in a matter of minutes. I got to the reception desk and from there was escorted to a room. In front of me stood a large white door with a circular opaque window, the nurse looked at me, then looked at the door handle, before looking back at me and nodded. I took a deep breath, as my hand approached the handle, I pushed open the door and saw Alesha sitting up right on the hospital bed, her face lit up as she noticed me. My eyes grew wide and a huge smile grew on my face, I ran into the room and hurtled myself onto Alesha, pulling her into a tight embrace. 

Everything stopped, my surroundings drained out, it was just me and Alesha. We pulled apart from the hug and she looked up at me, as I lay on top of her, smiling. She connected our lips in a sweet passionate kiss, it had only been 9 hours but it felt like forever. "I missed you so much" I began. "Me too babe" She responded. "Alesha, I want to tell you something.." I started, not sure whether to continue. Alesha gave me a reassuring nod and a smile, signalling for me to carry on. "Alesha, I thought I was going to lose you. That scared me so much. But what scared me more was the thought of losing you withought having told you the one thing I've wanted to say most to you. I was so oblivious to this, but now I realise, Alesha, I love you." I spoke. "I almost lost you twice, and I don't want to lose you again, you mean so mu-" I continued. "STOP!" Alesha shouted, silencing me. She let out a sigh before speaking "Amanda. I- I don't know what to say to that but, I don't think I'm in love with you ... I'm sorry. Don't get me wrong, I love you as a friend but... really nothing more." She said, apologetically. I felt the world shatter around me, I desperately tried to hold back my tears, "Okay" I muttered. "I think it's probably best if we fly back home after I get discharged. I want to see Azura" She suggested. I nodded, as I pursed my lips harder to contain my tears. 

***Time Skip***

We had just left Simon's house after picking up Lexi, Azura and Hollie. "Well then, I had lots of fun, thanks." Alesha mumbled. "Me too" I smiled, sadly. "See you later" She said, pulling me into a tight hug. "See you" 

***Time Skip 4 Months*** 

"Mama, why does Alesha and Zura not come over anymore?" Hollie asked. "I miss them" Lexi added. I knew I was going to have to answer this question eventually. "Darlings, Alesha and I just thought it would be best to have time apart after our holiday" I answered. "Do you still think that now?" Lexi queried. "Well--" I began, but before I could even come up with an answer, Hollie and Lexi were shooting more questions. "Do you miss Lesha mummy?" Hollie fired at me. "Do you still love Lesha?" Lexi interrogated. "Stop!" I yelled, becoming overwhelmed by all the difficult questions. I took a second to breathe and calm down. "Sorry mama" Hollie whimpered. "It's not your fault Hollie, I'm sorry I shouted at you both, It's just really hard without Alesha. We had a little falling out, and yes Hollie I do miss Alesha and I still love Lesha, Lex. I never stopped loving her, we just... aren't as close as we were before." I replied, I felt a pang in my heart as I was brought back to that painful moment. "I miss Lesha and Zura" Hollie said. "Yeah, Lesha was different to Simon and David and your other friends, she really really cared about me and Hollie" Lexi exclaimed. "Alesha was the best, I remember when I fell of the swings in the playground, she put a plaster and kissed the hurt away" Hollie grinned. "Oh yeah... I remember when you had to go away to do some filming somewhere and Alesha was babysitting us and I felt really sick and I was sick all over the floor but Alesha was really nice, she looked after me and laid down in bed with me until I was better." Lexi added. "Alesha is like my second mama" Hollie squealed. I couldn't help but smile while hearing my daughters' stories. "Mummy are you crying?" Lexi asked. I hadn't even realised the single tear sliding down my face, I quickly wiped it away with my sleeve and bit my lip to stop anymore tears from falling. "No, no, I'm not crying" I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood. "Are you sure your okay mama?" Lexi questioned, reassuringly. There was no way I could tell Lexi and Hollie what happened, I wanted them to grow up in a stable environment, although their dad walked out on us, we seemed to get along just fine. I didn't want to bring Alesha into this, I tended to keep my love life distant from my girls, I didn't want them to get to attached and possibly get hurt if the relationship collapsed. In all fairness, I hadn't dated many people after Chris walked out, it was hard to find a suitable companion after everything I had been through; not to mention I was heading 50 with two children. I had to admit I did feel lonely sometimes and longed for love occasionally, but I was okay. I have Alesha.... I had Alesha. 

Alesha's POV: 

I hadn't talked to Amanda in 4 months, it was strange, I used to talk to here everyday, and I would see her at least every week, and now it was like we were complete strangers. I missed her very much, so did Azura. I was so harsh on her, and if I was completely honest, I didn't actually mean what I said. I knew I loved Amanda, but it's not something easy to say. I did love Amanda, so much, to the point where it scared me, but I knew the outcomes of love, and I wasn't ready to start something with Amanda as much as I wanted to. 

Auditions were starting back again tomorrow, I was terrified. I didn't want to face Amanda, even though I missed her. I could talk to Simon and ask for a seat change, but at the same time I was curious to see how things would go down with Amanda.