The notion of going to bed had probably been a stretch, especially considering our vampire bodies were laid out on our bed. The sight of them proved unsettling enough without the memories it brought to the forefront of my mind. Yes, I hated the sight of my own vampire form, unconscious and vulnerable, but it was the sight of Conn's body, unmoving and vacant of any soul, which caused my throat to constrict and my eyes to burn, even though Leof stood right next to me. I could easily picture him laid out in the shrine, and now I had a full understanding of the torment Id condemned him to when I decided he had to die in order for us to find our path.
“Once we've spoken to the others, I'll move these forms into the office for safe keeping. One question... The child you're carrying... Will he still grow while you aren't in that body?” Leof asked.
Touching the Grian Amulet, which remained at my vampire form's throat despite being distorted by the heat of the magic it had withstood while I defeated Osier, I nodded. “Brísingamen will keep this body and our son from harm, just as I keep your vampire form from harm. I can continue what I started in that body, giving our child a way to grow, even while I’m as I am. Our son will be fine.”
“Good,” Leof answered, pulling me against him. “I don't want to lose another. Thank you, mínu Fríge, for the family you've given me.”
Smiling, I kissed his cheek, then took his hand and tugged him towards our bedroom door. “Come on, we have some lives to turn on their heads.”
The sight that met me in the living room was beyond comical. The Sire's suite had never before been so crowded, not even at Christmas, even though half the occupants were lifeless bodies in stasis. Leof had done exactly as he'd indicated, depositing two male and to female forms on the floor, in a neat row, as if our home had become a makeshift morgue. Beside the bodies, my cats lay curled up with my husband’s wolves, in a moment of peace, the likes of which had never been seen before. The animals had been rivals from the start, but it seemed even they had missed each other, missed our version of normality. Meanwhile, William, Gunner, Katie, and Natalie wore expressions of abject confusion, and Lex had a look of wonder that said she'd uncovered the truth but hadn't yet brought herself to sharing it with the others.
“Darcy?” Will asked cautiously, watching me with unsure hazel eyes.
I smiled, inclining my head, “One of my many names, yes.”
He glanced toward the bodies laid out on the floor, asking, “Just how many true forms do you have?”
Laughing, I shook my head, “Just the one I'm in, Vili. Just the one I'm in. Do you want to learn the truth of who you are?”
His jaw dropped, and beside him, Katie tensed, not daring to believe the possibility that the red-headed goddess laid out before her meant that she had always been Will's. Always. Even before I had found my way to Woden.
“I have an apology to make,” I told them honestly. “A very long time ago, I sent you all to sleep and hid you in a safe place, where Tiw couldn't find you. I made it so your souls would transfer to human bodies when the time was right, because I needed all of you on earth to keep my husband safe while I was... indisposed. I'm so sorry for the deception... If there'd been another way...”
“Hold up a moment. You’re going a bit fast here,” Gunner stated, his dark brows pulled low over his grey eyes.
Natalie took his hand, but her focus remained on me as she asked, “What do you mean, ‘all of you'?”
Leof gently stroked my back, trying to reassure me that our friends and his siblings would understand as he took over the explanation. “Will, Gunner, your true names are Vili and Ve, my brothers, and sons of Borr and Bestla. You stood with me on the first beach, to breath life into the man and woman we carved from ash and elm. We gave life to the tribe who became the ancestors of our mortal forms, long before the ices had finished receding from Britain. Katie, Natalie, in the past you were Sjöfn and Syn, my brother's wives, goddesses of love and relationships, and refusal and defence respectively. As it turns out, you've both played your roles as well in Middangeard as you did in Ésageard. I hope you can forgive my wife and me for our deception. We felt that sleep was better than being confined in one of Tiw's cages, and that placing you in my path on earth was more helpful than leaving you trapped and tortured in the dungeons or Valhalla.”
Katie's jaw dropped, and she stared at us as if we'd lost our minds when we recovered our memories, not even daring to look at her true form. Then she laughed, a part disbelieving, part terrified laugh, and I could remember doing the same when Ishbel, the norn known as Urđr, revealed the truth about Woden and me. My friend's green eyes were wide, her expression anxious, even as she laughed and stated, “This isn't real.”
“It's real,” Lex confirmed, knowing the others would trust her sight even if they couldn't trust the currently unfamiliar faces of Woden and Fríge. Even as Verđandi, and the norn she was in the distant past, Lex had been my friend, and honest. Right until the betrayal which led me to earth, a betrayal I had relied on to set my plan in motion. She had always done what I needed her to do, and right then was no exception as she added, “It turns out you're just as ancient as the rest of us.”
Will laughed at that, and Katie relaxed a little, murmuring, “At this point, I don't even know why I'm surprised when you bring more weirdness into our lives.”
“Wyrd-ness is certainly the word,” our resident wyrdæ replied with a grin, and I caught the pun even if the others didn’t.
“Just one question,” Natalie asked, her brows pinched over dark and pensive eyes. “We are each with the right brother, right? Because respect William though I do, I'm not looking to play swapsies.”
Katie winced at that possibility, her death grip on Will's hand tightening. “Will is mine. I am Will's... And anyway, my reputation wouldn't take another exchange. I don't want to be the woman who slept with all three of Borr's sons.”
A growl rumbled out of Will at that thought, his fangs descending as he tugged Katie onto his lap in a thoroughly possessive and not solely vampire response.
I smiled, nodding to reassure them as I answered, “You're with the correct brother's. Do you really think wolf blood would have guided you to Will if you had been meant for Gunner? I promise you, you're right where you're supposed to be, just as I predicted as Darcy, only with a dash more divinity.”
“I was a priest,” Gunner murmured, still scowling. “I led congregations, teaching them to follow Christ's teachings. How can I be... How can I be what you say I am?”
“Ve means ‘temple', Gunner,” I reminded him. “I predicted, during my first visit to Ésageard, that you would lead humans in the shrine of another god, at least for a time, but when needed, you would re-join Woden, to protect him, to make sure he survived long enough for us to recover our faith. You've played your part, the same as the rest of us. And I will be eternally grateful to you, for the plan you devised which ensured Ragnar never caught up with my husband, not before we were reunited. You saved him from the fate I dreaded most, an early return to Valhalla, with me unable to pull him back. Thank you for that.”
Looking up at me, Gunner shrugged slightly, “I would say that you're welcome, but apparently I was carrying out the orders of a far better tactician than me.”
Shaking my head, I admitted. “I set you up to be there, to intercept Woden and Vili, but the outcome wasn't certain. There were many possibilities, even then, and some of them had you truly setting fire to both of your brothers. Others had your plans fail and Ragnar killing each of you. I simply put faith in you, in your loyalty, bravery, and tactical prowess, in the hope you would choose one of the more constructive routes. I controlled the odds, but you still had free will. You still rolled the dice.
“I forced my will on each of you when I sent you to sleep and sent you to Middangeard, but everything you've done since, you've done because it's who you are, not because it's what I demanded. I relied on what I knew of you to set up the conditions, to change the landscape in a way that would urge you towards achieving what needed to be achieved, but you walked the path by choice. That’s what made getting us here so difficult, why there has been so much uncertainty. I try not to make mindless drones, not if I can help it.”
“We know that,” Will promised, looking towards the godly body that had been laid out next to the red-haired goddess. “And we've known for a long time that you manipulated current event to give us the best possible outcome. We accepted that long before you came to terms with it. But you did it because the alternative was worse, right?”
I thought about the future I'd seen when I first laid eyes on Tiw, a future I'd only shared with Woden. In that fate, Tiw would've conquered Ésageard rather than usurped the throne. As a conqueror, he would’ve been seen as great, as victorious and worthy, because those were the times we lived in; a time of warriors, and raiders, and conquest. He would’ve taken control in a way we'd never manage to shake, and by the time his cruelty became known, it would’ve been too late for Ésageard.
As for us, Woden would’ve been driven to insanity in Valhalla, and I would've been bred into madness by a narcissistic, sadistic monster who made Ragnar and Osgar seem like teddy bears by comparison. Our children would’ve been condemned to an eternity of imprisonment, abuse, and eventual execution and transfer to Valhalla where they would have been forced to torment their father. Vili, Ve, their wives, our friends, and even the wyrdæ would have shared the fate of our children, as everything that had been was destroyed in a tide of grief, pain, and the manic cruelty of a god who know he had dominion over all others in Ésageard..
Wenhám and Alfhám would have fallen too, and Hel eventually, if Tiw had come to power through a fair fight rather than by deception. His victory had been guaranteed, because we had been stretched thin, watching over too many realms while weakening through decreasing worship. He had ignored the plight of other realms, focussed solely on the throne of Ésageard, and he would've taken it. The valkyries and the dead would have fallen in line, worshipping him as a conqueror, and the power granted through that act would have sealed the fates of other realms, other places he would have invaded, and other peoples he would have subjugated.
Mankind would have learned that their new god could not withstand the wrath of Tiw, and too late, other gods from other pantheons would realise that they should have worked together to create a new harmony between all races and religions. All worlds would have grown dark and cold, where people were slaves to Tiw's will, and even death offered no reprieve. That was the future I'd seen, the future I'd done so much to delay or avoid altogether, because as long as Woden or I lived, free, we allowed hope to blossom that we could return things to how they'd been; free of Tiw's tyranny.
“We can see it in your eyes that whatever future you averted would’ve been worse for all of us than what you forced on us,” Katie said at last. “You are our queen, and we did and will do as you command.”
“But that begs the question, ‘why did you bring our true forms here?’ Do you want us to do as you've done, to become the gods we were?” Gunner asked.
Leof nodded, stating, “One day soon, we're going to have to fight. On that day, we could be fighting both gods and demons, and who knows what other allies Tiw has wrangled into his retinue...”
“I know,” I interjected, and what was to come still seemed daunting despite my planning. “Berith and his demons, Loki and Jormungandr, Surtr and the fire giants, valkyries who are too afraid to rebel, and the dead who cannot yet do so... Tiw will descend on Middangeard with an army the likes of which has never been seen, supported by what is left of the Bloodied Hand and Haltwhistle's rogues.”
“And that is why we need all the fire power we can muster,” Leof added. “We're good, but a few more gods in the mix wouldn't hurt.”
“But I'm not sure I want to be a goddess,” Natalie announced, still frowning. “The cohort is my family. Milbank is my home.”
“You might feel different when you remember,” Will offered the same lie Leof had once told me.
“Or you might not,” I replied honestly. “In truth, I'm not sure I want to be a goddess. I like being Darcy O'Dowd, Sire of the Newcastle Cohort. Being Queen of Ésageard was such a long time ago, and I can feel every century of separation. I'm not sure I want to revert, but what I know is that we need to defeat Tiw. What comes after can be debated later. Right now we just need to survive, and to ensure the continued freedom of all realms, and that's why we're asking you to do this.”
“You don't need to jump into these bodies immediately,” Leof added. “We know this takes some... acclimatising to. But when we overthrow Tiw, your help could be invaluable.”
The others cast sideways glances at each other, each of them trying to guess how the others felt about our revelation.
“I need a day or two,” Natalie said at last. “You're all... Sires, Seconds, or Consorts... I'm just a sentry. I don't want this, and I need a day or two to... come to terms with it.”
“We were all just sentries once upon a time,” I reminded her. “You, Katie, Lex, even me. When we signed up to defend the cohort, we were all just vampires doing our best to protect our family, with no knowledge of the truth. Even in ignorance, we did sign up to defend the people here, and this is how we do that. But you'll have you time to decide. I want to retrieve Fenn before we make a move on Tiw, and we'll need time to prepare a strategy. You have a few days.”
Gunner shook his head, still disbelieving. “I'm with Natalie. I liked being Head of Security. I never wanted to be Second, never mind this. I need a few days.”
“I didn’t want to be Sire,” I pointed out. “Very few people want the responsibility that lands on them in times of war, but what we make of it shapes how history remembers us. We need you Ve, you and Syn, but you will have time to decide, and I won't force you if it's too much.”
“Fuck it,” Katie announced into the silence that followed my promise. “My world has changed in the last year. Spun on its head. I’ve learned so much, become stronger because of it, and I would follow my king and queen to hell and back, if they asked it of me. This is the last step in the transformation started by hurricane Fríge. I don't need time, because I already know I'll do as you ask. You placed me here, to live the life I've lived, to find the man I love, and to stand beside you to face our enemies. I'm willing to become what you need me to become.”
Will's lips twitched at his Consort's announcement, and he pulled her closer to press a heart-warming and openly adoring kiss to her lips, then he nodded to as he refocussed on us. “She's right. I'll follow where you lead. If I were to ask for time, I'd only be wasting it, when I could be reacquainting myself with who I truly am, because I already know I'll agree to this.” Glancing at Gunner and Natalie, he added. “Of course I respect your need for time, but for me personally, I don't need it. I doubt there is anything in my past more horrific than what Osgar did to me, and I'm not afraid of becoming what I was.”
A genuine smile broke across my face as I breathed, “Thank you, Vili. I truly appreciate that.”
“Question?” Lex asked, and I knew what she intended to say even before the words left her mouth. “What happened to my other form?”
“I don't know for certain. There were options I left open to you, but I don't know which fork you took to get here,” I answered honestly. “I could find out, though. I can look, if you want me too, while Leof moves our other bodies into the office and transfers Will and Katie back into their other forms.”
“What were the options?” she requested, looking pensive.
I hesitated, not sure how she would react to the truth. “I couldn't place you in the sanctuary the way I did Vili, Ve, Sjöfn, and Syn. I needed you to give Tiw access to your loom. I needed you to make him believe he could control us, that you'd betrayed us. The over-confidence that provoked in him gave us the time we needed to disappear. But that meant you has to be awake, in Ésageard, even as he sent me to earth.
“Before that, from the moment we - my father, brother, and I - arrived at the palace as hostages, I encouraged you to trust Fréa, to go to him if you ever needed assistance and were unable to reach me, because being in Alfhám, a free Alfhám, could provide you with followers even as belief on earth failed. You would be weaker than you had been, but just as Fréa still has strength, so too would you, so long as you could get the elves on side. I hoped you'd utilise that. Ensuring you reached Alfhám was where my control ended and your freewill took charge... For the most part... One possibility was that Fréa himself would send you to earth, you alone or you and your sisters, but I don't believe that happened because Fréa has never indicated it did.
“Another option came from an enchantment I wove into you as a safety net. A subtle spell that would only be triggered upon your death, so as not to draw too much attention to what I'd done. In the case of your demise, I placed a claim on your soul and enchanted it to transfer into a human body. But I wasn't sure how well my magic would survive without me there to fuel it, especially considering the number of enchantments I'd left at the palace and hidden citadel, to save myself and my children. We've already seen that some of my wards on store rooms disintegrated, and there was a chance the enchantment I left within you would do the same. So I had to do as I did at the wereworlf camp, when I ensure Fenn's own strength would fuel my wards after I went to Valhalla. I made it so my spell would lie dormant, and then draw its energy from what power lay in your soul rather than in mine, in the hope you were in Alfhám and had the strength left to allow it. I hoped that by making your own magic responsible for maintaining the spell, it would make others less likely to recognise the enchantment as ‘foreign' and paint a target on your back that would see you as trapped as I was, and as my children were.
“The third option is that neither Fréa nor my spells sent you to Middangeard, and that you did it yourself. It's possible that you, Urđr, and Skuld – you, Ishbel, and Fiona – sent yourselves to earth. Perhaps you watched the web of wyrd closely enough to see when we needed you to join us. Any of those options is possible, or even a mix of several. It's possible Urđr died, and you sent yourself here.
“There was even a chance that none of those things would happen, that my spells would fail so entirely that you'd die and go to Hel and I would need to ask her for your return, although we know that didn't happen. And there was a small chance that you wouldn't die, but that you wouldn't come to earth either, that you'd remain in Alfhám, or with Tiw, or would retreat into seclusion. That would have condemned us all, truth be told. Conn would've been killed by Osier on the night of my birth. I might have been raised by the warlock himself. Or one of us would have died later, very final deaths...
“The future was a long way off, and not all the dice had been cast, not back when I became Dunthryth. I planned the best I could, but I couldn't be sure... I had to look at the odds and hope events went my way. I was staring at such a far of future, with so many decisions to make and variables left to be determined. It's not enough, I know that. I took too many chances. But it was the best I could do a thousand years ahead of time.”
Panic crept through me as I spoke, so that my heart stuttered and my voice became a tight choke. The chances I'd taken were huge, in the face of a failure which would be catastrophic. I hated it. I hated having the knowledge that had led me to making the decision I'd made. I loathed the fear and uncertainty, and I didn't want to bear it any longer.
“I'm so sorry,” I promised.
Leof took my hand, his thumb stroking over my knuckles as he tried to reassure me. “You did what no one else could do, Little Warrior. You did enough.”
Lex considered me, brows pulled low over lavender eyes, “So I could have died?” she asked before adding, “Not that it matters. However I got here, I'm grateful that I did. That I got to have you as a friend, that I have this family, and that I found Helrúna. I'd like you to look, to know for sure, but whichever path I took, it doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything; I'm still loyal to you.”
I managed to nod, grateful for her promise, even as Natalie exhaled and murmured, “We're all loyal to you. And you’re correct, having more gods can only strengthen our defence. Make me into Syn once more, and let me defend my cohort and my family as best I can.”
Gunner appraised his girlfriend, his one time wife, and then relented too. “Alright. Alright. I'm not convinced I'll want to remain as Ve once we kick Tiw's arse. But for now, you can turn me into the deity I once was, because the tactician in me knows you're right, and as your friend I can't bear to let you shoulder this burden when I can take some of the strain.”
“Thank you, my brother,” Leof answered, smiling, genuine gratitude flowing from him and into me. “I truly appreciate this. Now, how about we move into the office, and clear the suite of unconscious bodies, and then I can transfer everyone while Fríge locates Verđandi's other form?”
The others agreed, and in short order both the living room and bedroom we cleared of surplus bodies and Lex and I found ourselves alone in the apartment. I sat beside her, admitting, “Part of me is so used to my own abilities, because I now remember an eternity of wielding them, but another part of me finds it odd that I’m the one searching for the truth for you, because for so long now I've relied on your visions.”
“I could look,” Lex said with a shrug, “But it's always hit or miss whether I will manage to force a vision. I suspect you would find it easier to get a clear picture, in the long run, my queen.”
I nodded, then wound my fingers through hers, closing my eyes as I let my magic flare one last time, burrowing into my friend, to encourage a connection that would reveal her past and future, whichever I chose to look at. The visions didn't sweep me away as the had when I first felt Conn's death, I could control what I felt and saw, just as I had done long ago. It proved easy to direct my sight back, past her transition into a vampire, past her unhappy months lost to addiction and homelessness, and past an unhappy youth and childhood where she'd been forced to hide her sexuality for fear of her father's wrath. Then I went back further, into another lifetime, in a far away realm.
I could see it as if I were right there, the cavern where two women sat tending a fire. Verđandi and Skuld ate in silence, contemplating the flames as smoke and sparks twisted upwards, swallowed by the darkness of a cavern roof that was too high to see in the gloom. Stalagmites rose up from the stone floor, tall pillars which had survived through untold millennia, whose point were as hidden by shadow as the ceiling where stalactites undoubtedly hung. Old mine equipment; rotten timber beams, and rusted tools, lay heaped up to one side, only just in the circle of orange light, but hinting that the cave system had once bustled with industry. Perhaps the war with Tiw had halted work, or maybe the seams had had simply run out of minerals or ore. It didn't matter, and I didn't bother to uncover what had ceased mining operations.
To the far side of the fire sat a crude wooden plinth, covered in blankets and furs, and providing a resting place for Urđr, the eldest of the three sisters, and the first to come to earth. Urđr had slept for centuries already, as Ishbel provided Cyneweard with reason to pull himself from despair and drink. She played her part, just as I'd intended, easing his existence for a time until he could find Vili and truly regain some sense of purpose.
By the fire, Verđandi smiled, placing her crude wooden dish down by the fire, her eyes alight with mischief as she announced, “People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff.”
“Pardon?” Skuld asked, looking up from her own meal with a confused expression.
“You don't need to understand. Our queen does. It's time for me to go, sister,” with that, Verđandi stood, brushing down her skirts. “Do you remember when you're to follow? Will you be alright until you can join us?”
Skuld nodded and forced a smile. “It will be lonely, but I'll endure. I know my role. I will see you again in a little while, sister, you and Urđr both.”
Briefly embracing the youngest of the wyrdæ, Verđandi made her peace with abandoning her body and her memories, then she strode towards the plinth where Urđr's body lay. She'd watched Urđr perform the same trick she would replicate; forcing the enchantment I'd woven into her to trigger, even without death. She relied on the intricacies of my magic to strip her memories away and make her human, but to do so, she had to persuade my charm that she died, even as her body slipped into stasis.
Taking a deep breath, Verđandi sank onto the fur and blanket covered plinth, lying next to her sister as she stated, “We are in Alfhám, in the deepest mines, under the highest mountain, asleep in the chamber of pillars. Your brother has the keys, my queen. I'll see you on the other side.”
When Verđandi's magic flared, it slowed her breathing, all but stilling her heart as her body mimicked death while remaining alive, and around her head, familiar enchantments glittered, stripping away everything she was, before tugging the silvery form of her spirit from her body, and sending it swirling towards Middangeard.
Opening my eyes once more, I blinked at Lex. “You're such a nerd.”
She blinked to, her eyebrows shooting towards her neon hairline. “Erm, yes, I know, but why do you sound surprised?”
A laugh bubbled up, and I grinned at her, “You'll see once my brother’s retrieved your other form. Apparently you left it in a cavern in Alfhám. Wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey stuff. Honestly.” I shook my head and let out another inelegant snort of mirth. “Well played, wyrdæ. Very well played.”
She stared at me blankly for a moment then grinned too. “Whatever this is about, I'm pleased I've amused you. We're still friends, right? Even now you remember everything?”
“We're still friends,” I agreed, and tugged her into a tight hug. “Always. You're my sister in all but name.”
Her relief beat against me, and she hugged me back. I realised, not for the first time in my lives, that I was relieved to have Verđandi as a friend.
