The Way Anna Felt About Her Life

Chapter 1

"I'm so tired and all of my classes will still be there waiting for me to get another long day started in the morning bright and early but... I have my Basic Biology lab at 8 AM. I worked all week too. I just really want to get to sleep in and not have to go tomorrow, " Anna said to her good friend Nick.

"Everyone loves labs at 8 in the morning but I know you'll be fine," he said with a laugh. He could see the purple spots beneath her eyes. He knew how hard she had been working. He just wanted to take away from her the stress she felt everyday. If he could just get what he wanted she could just focus on her artwork and the things she loved for the rest of her life. But he just didn't have the money to support them both, even for a few months. It was easy to fantasize about living together in their own apartment even just as friends. And then hopefully for Nick their relationship could evolve into something serious over time.

Anna returned his remark with a small, tired smile.

She only knew part of the reason for why she was here at the party with Nick. She had made the Dean's List. And as she looked around the filled room, she recognized other students who were in some of her classes. They had also made the golden list and they were absolutely beaming from their success with painted on smiles. She had been proud of herself as well. But she was sure that there were other exceptional students at Cornflower University who hadn't made the Dean's List. She might've been the only one who was thinking that in this room at that moment but at least someone was thinking it. And she silently honored the ones who were trying so hard but just hadn't been able to get their name on the deemed prestigious list. With her eyes looking up to the white ceiling she was thinking of them and their worthy efforts. She silently said in her mind that they were filled with talent and knowledge. And she hoped that they never feel inferior because they weren't here right now among the dresses and the professor's smiles.

Basically, she just thought college was way too expensive. And thinking about how much money it costed people everywhere made her feel agitated. She agreed that to become a doctor you should need a college degree. But she believed most other jobs could be done adequately with some hard work and supervisors who actually cared. A new employee who had no skills could be trained. There was a cold, dark place in her head and heart as she thought about the lack of hope in the people that surrounded her. She felt her blood grow cold. Some of her professors were caring and proactive. She was mostly thinking negatively about the CEO's who relied on a list of experience and skills rather than the specifics of what a person themselves had to offer. With enough hope and drive, even the clumsiest could be trained and thrive at a new job. She believed everyone had their own talents and their own way to shine anywhere. And people everywhere should respect and encourage that.

Anna just wanted to escape from her thoughts with acts of recklessness.

She put all those nameless but important people aside in her mind; the ones who hadn't made the list but who were still so smart and creative. And a snarky red smile formed on her lips and she  looked around the party. Her palms were already starting to sweat from her secret nervousness that lived in her mind but no one knew about it. She just watched the chattering people at the party; embodied by her nervous feelings even though there was nothing to be nervous about according to the average person. And this is what a person who didn't understand would say and she would feel ashamed all over again. They would say but what do you really have to be nervous about?

She wasn't focused on looking pretty or beaming with intelligence and ambition. She was deciding her own value while thinking about the ones who went about their day not caring about the dreadful restlessness she felt. But no one knew. She was thinking about the true reasons for why she was here.