Head Over Boots (Clexa AU)

Chapter 11: Testing time

Clarke shifted in her seat for what she knew was the thousandth time. She wasn't physically uncomfortable, especially not in their new truck that she and Lexa had finally purchased (not to replace Lexa's old truck, of course). But Clarke couldn't stay still as the miles disappeared under the truck tires and they grew closer and closer to the person who might change the rest of their lives forever.

Unprompted, Lexa's hand came to rest on her fidgeting thigh. Clarke heaved out a sigh as she looked over to her. Lexa spared her a glance and a small smile before she turned back to the country highway that wove between grass-covered hills.

"I'm sorry," Clarke said, maybe also for the thousandth time. But she couldn't help being nervous, couldn't help wondering if they were doing the right thing, couldn't help running through all of the scenarios in her head, couldn't help wondering if this was the day they would become parents...

"You don't have to be sorry, Clarke." Lexa ran a thumb softly along her leg, which never failed to bring a small amount of comfort to her. "This could be one of the most important days of our life together."

Clarke knew Lexa meant the best, but she ran her hands over her face and groaned. "I don't know if that helps."

"I'm nervous too." Lexa looked back over to her, looking anything but. Her face was serene and perfectly framed by her hair pulled behind her head in a loose braid.

Clarke looked down at Lexa's hand and intertwined their fingers together. It was such a small thing, to hold hands with her wife, to feel that little bit of touch and comfort, and yet Clarke relied on it maybe more than she should have. Lexa was a stabilizing force in her life, less prone to over-analyzing and indulging her anxieties. For Lexa, when something was settled in her mind, she could move on and focus on the next issue. Clarke envied her for it, even as she was grateful that Lexa provided that balance for her.

Because that balance had proven even more important since they had gotten married. They juggled the ranch and Clarke's new mobile veterinary practice as best they could, and even managed to take a week off in December for a whirlwind honeymoon to Hawaii. (Clarke would never get over the look and feel of Lexa in a bikini.) They truly were developing into partners for life, sharing ideas, sharing workloads, sharing dreams. And now especially, on their way to what Clarke cringed to think was called an "adoption party," Clarke was able to share her fears and reservations.

It had been an intense last year. She and Lexa had decided that it was finally time for them to start a family together, besides Daenerys and the rest of the cattle, but the process was time-consuming and arduous. They conducted their own research, connected with Child and Family Services, attended orientation and weekly classes on the adoption process, arranged for their home to be inspected... it was overwhelming.

But Clarke was reassured they were making the right choice, time and time again. Every time they invited a new family to stay with them during the summer, she and Lexa shared a look as the children gazed up at the cattle in wonder. Every time Lexa taught another child the basics of riding a horse, Clarke could only smile. And every time Clarke found herself daydreaming about the simple things, like having dinner with Lexa and their child, helping them with their homework, raising a child who didn't have to worry about the roof over their head over whether or not their parents loved them, she knew: raising a family with Lexa was what she wanted.

"Do you think it'll be weird?" Clarke heard herself asking again. Her filter with Lexa had dissipated long ago. She knew she didn't have to fear Lexa thinking less of her, or looking down on her. "I can't help but feel like we're going to a market for children."

"It might be strange," Lexa conceded. Clarke saw a shadow of her own anxiety in Lexa's eyes. "I imagine it's awkward for the children too. But this is the way it works, Clarke. Either this, or we read descriptions of children online. At least this way, we get to meet them in person."