November Rain

Chapter 35: The Red Cranberry

[BRIAN]

HELLO FUCKING MONDAY!

It's almost 8 in the morning and my head is still pounding to death. Thanks to a few glasses of whiskey last night now I'm officially dying from hangover. And I have to go through that shit again.

I don't actually like alcohol that much, or getting drunk for that matter. However sometimes life is just so bitter you need something way more bitter to make it even. I mean I hate waking up knowing that my problem remains the same, but at least it washed up all the distress before I was high.

I usually drink when life is too suffocating to handle and I just wanna escape for several hours from some shit. Yes, I can be a coward sometimes. Including last night.

Once upon a time, one of Confucius's best students said, "Apa sih enaknya lupa semaleman kalo besoknya juga dealing lagi sama masalah yang sama? Iya kalo pas mabok lu nggak melakukan sesuatu yang nambah masalah. Stop giving yourself temporary illusion of all-is-well shit! Man up and face it." -Indira, 2010.

It was partly said because she was sick of picking me up from the bar when I was wasted, but doesn't necessarily mean what she said wasn't true.

Getting high is good. The after effect sucks. Afterwards, regret is my constant companion.

Now I can't even lift my head from the pillow. Memories from last night flash before me like bits and pieces.

Cold marble table of a bar. Ice cubes. Clinking glasses. Live jazz. A girl in a tight red dress. No name. Slender fingers. A faint trace of jasmine. The taste of vodka cranberry cocktail...

Indrika's indistinct voice....

City lights... Blurry... The scent of rosemary and mint...

Shit!

I panickly uncover the blanket to make sure I was sleeping alone.

Thank God, no one's lying down next to me. I remember clearly that I drank single malt whiskey but I can't erase the slight taste of cranberry from my lips. There are still a few missing parts between the memories but they're all blanks and I still can't connect the dots.

Flashback

Project yang sedang gue kerjakan di kantor, sebagai project pertama yang sepenuhnya berada dalam tanggung jawab gue, gagal total. Pak Fendik, atasan gue yang memasrahkan hal ini marah besar dan merasa gue nggak becus nanganin klien. Padahal klien yang batalin last minute karena alasan budget dan perusahaan mereka mengklaim apa yang tim gue bikin tidak sesuai dengan perjanjian di awal dan mereka udah nggak punya waktu lagi untuk perbaikan.

But a boss is a boss. Mana mau tau alasannya? One thing he knew, we lost one number. In conclusion: I screwed up.

And it's not only me that I screwed over. Also my team. Four other employees. Kami semua kena dampak dampratan dan ancaman pemotongan gaji, dan yang lebih serem lagi, penghangusan cuti tahunan. Bisa jadi public enemy di departemen sendiri kalo sampe itu kejadian beneran. I already did everything I could to save us all, but when things aren't meant to be they just won't be.

"Udah lah, bukan salah lu juga." Dua hari yang lalu Agustino berusaha menenangkan gue saat gue main ke apartmentnya. Dia sedang memasak cumi asam manis untuk Dira yang lagi ngambek karena kacamata kesayangannya hilang akibat kecerobohan Agus.

"Tapi tetep aja tanggung jawab gue kan, Gus. Fendik mana mau tau."

"Dude, you need to screw up at least once in your life. It can't be perfect all the time. Give it a break."