Trigger Warning

Chapter 1

"You know what's bullshit?" I asked. Michael turned to look at me. "What?" "My little brother gets more respect than me. He's ten!" I cried, throwing my hands in the air. I sighed and sat down on the swing, crossing my arms. Michael took the one beside me. He didn't say anything, just kept looking at me, as if waiting for me to say something. I felt anger boil inside me. "Just forget it," I said, standing up. "I'll talk to you later." I quickly picked up my bag and walked off. I heard Michael call my name, but I ignored him. "Emily!" he yelled. But I just started walking faster.

When I got home, I kept my head down, hoping to not be noticed. Quietly I slipped into my room, locking the door behind me. I threw my bag on the bed and sat at my desk. I felt dizzy, and my head hurt. I ignored it. It wasn't new, anyway. I sighed, trying to hold back the tears. Why did I have to be so rude? Why do I always get angry at people for no reason? I started playing Ode To Sleep by Twenty One Pilots. I buried my face in my arms and started to cry. 

I'd been crying a lot lately. Hell, I was crying on New Years. Maybe that cursed my year. Maybe it cursed my life. Maybe I deserved this. A million maybes flooded my mind. Once again, I considered grabbing the knife under my bed. I picked it up and just held it for a moment, running my finger along the edge of the blade. "I can't cut," I whispered. "I promised Justin." Justin had been my best friend since 2017. I trusted him with everything. He always knew how to make me feel better, and somehow made sense of my tangled up thoughts. He said that if I ever cut, he'd commit suicide. And that was something I couldn't bear to even think about. So I promised I'd never start cutting.

I heard a knock at my door and quickly wiped my eyes. I looked in the mirror. I looked okay enough to face whoever was at the door. I unlocked it, and it swung open to reveal Alexis. She walked in and shut the door behind her. Her blue eyes were filled with concerned, her blonde hair falling into her face. She was so beautiful. How could she not see that? "What's wrong?" she asked. "Michael said you ran away." Alexis had been my best friend since 2016, and she had learned to tell right away when something was wrong with me. That's why she was always like a sister to me.

I shrugged. "I just got mad and didn't want to take it out on him." "Why were you mad?" she asked. "I don't know," I said. At least it was the truth. She took my hand and sat with me on the floor. "Sissy, what's wrong?" she pleaded. I looked at the floor. "I don't know... Just, since this year has started, everything seems to be going downhill." I whispered. A tear rolled down my cheek, and Alexis immediately wiped it away. "We'll get through this," she promised me, pulling me into a hug. I wrapped my arms around her neck, not wanting to let go.

We stayed like that for a minute, in that moment of weakness, holding on to each other like it was all that mattered. Finally, we let go. Alexis kissed my head, something she rarely ever did. "We'll get through this," she repeated. "I know we will." I smiled. "How about we go to the park?" she suggested. "Sure," I replied, standing up. We walked out, locking the door as we left.