The Love I Miss And The Love You Want (2)

                I was happy. Happy to be back home after so many years. It had been too long. It may not have been the same house I grew up in with my real mother but it was as close as I was going to get. I wasn’t about to complain. Things could be so much worse but I’m thankful they are the way they are now. The sun was just starting to set and the stream from outside my window started to glimmer with the sun’s last rays. I had just finished unpacking and putting my new room together and I have to say, it looked perfect. I had a love for Native American decorations so I had plenty of paintings, a wolf comforter and too many dream catchers to count.

‘Maybe I’ll take a walk outside like me and mother used to.’ I headed downstairs to see where Melissa was. She’s the one who adopted me after a few months of my mother’s passing. It turns out she knew Darrin. The man that tore my life to shreds. How she knows him I don’t exactly know. I’ve asked but she always finds ways of avoiding the subject when I bring it up. Eventually, I’ve stopped asking and maybe one day she will confess or ill find out somehow. Hopefully…

“Hey honey! I’ve just finished making your favorite!” She tried everything to get me to warm up to her but it was always a failed attempt. Why does she try so hard? “Thanks. I’m going for a walk. Bye.” I didn’t feel like staying any longer so I disappeared from the kitchen to the backyard in a flash, eager to get away from her.

The sun’s warmth was too familiar. I’ll never forget the afternoons mom and I had together. Always taking me with her on her nature walks. She knew it made me happy. I think it made her happy, too. I miss her. ’mom…’ I sighed and kept walking in a random direction. Tying ribbons to random trees as I went. Mother always used to do that so we wouldn’t get lost. I never felt more happy and sad at the same time it confused me. I eventually stopped thinking. I didn’t want to cry anymore. I was tired of it. I knew it was never enough to bring her back.

I kept walking eventually losing my thoughts in the beauty of nature several times my arms or legs would brush up against the many plants and tree branches.  Not that I cared if I got a cut or two. It made me feel like a little girl again. Getting cuts and mom would kiss them better.  A tear slid down my face. ‘Damn it…’ I stopped walking and sat down on a boulder to cry. Just to let emotions flow freely until I couldn’t anymore. Then out of nowhere, a shiver. Down my spine.

_different point of view_

I couldn’t believe it. After so many years, there she was. More beautiful than the last time I saw her. She was just a mere child about the age of 5. How cute she looked with her little messy pig tails and her little torn dress. Sometimes she would laugh with me and sometimes she would run to me, crying. Then one day, she didn’t come to visit me. I grew worried. What had happened? I never found out. After that day, I hadn’t seen her up until now. It hurt me to see her crying then and it hurt me to see her crying now. Did she even remember me? We knew each other for years. Could one year erase those precious memories we shared? Oh, God. Please let her remember me… I watched as she walked down a random path tying ribbons to a tree every so often. I studied her. She wore simple clothing. Just a red shirt a little too big for her and jeans that were torn from the edges from walking and her hair had grown to her hips. It was flawless. Chocolate waves cascading down her back and flowing like a real waterfall. She walked passed me, not noticing I was there. Gently, her arm rubbed against one of my hands. So soft. Eventually, she stopped walking and I noticed a tear had escaped. She looked troubled and I wanted so badly to show her I was there for her. I knew I couldn’t do it. I’d probably scare her. It hurt me so much. I watched as she sat on a boulder and began to cry. This pain was intolerable. What had caused her this much pain? I want to help you, so badly. But I can’t… I’m sorry. Please…