The Tales of a Professional Hockey Player

Chapter 18: Rehearsal Dinner (Part 2)

~Ben~

I stand there, wishing I could hide my face in my hands. The warmth I feel in my cheeks probably matches the redness on Eleanor's. I can't believe she heard me say that. I didn't say anything bad, but I don't know if I crossed a line or not. We both stare at each other, waiting for the other to speak first.

"I'll go put Ophelia to sleep," she says after what seems like an eternity, but it couldn't have been more than a minute or two. I nod, walking closer to her to give her Ophelia. "Could you go get the playard in the car, please?" I nod again. "I'll be in the girls' bathroom." I nod once more as I try to hide my questioning expression. The girls' bathroom? Why the girls' bathroom? I do as I am told and head outside towards the car.

Almost instantly, the soft and cold evening air envelops me, calming the hot flash that had washed over me. I take my time pulling the playard from the trunk of the car to push back the awkward run-in with Eleanor in the girls' bathroom and to keep cooling my body temperature. I try to think about how I could explain what I said, but I can't find anything because it was the truth. I am proud of what we did together, even if it was hard and even if it didn't end the way I warned it to. After ten minutes of playing all the possible scenarios in my head, I finally decide to head back inside. I ignore the tons of questioning looks I get from the other guests as I walk towards the bathrooms. I knock on the door with the little woman painted on it and wait for some sort of signal telling me it's ok for me to walk in. The last thing I want is to traumatise one of Eleanor's aunts.

"Ben?" I hear a soft voice say. I answer a simple "yes," and the voice tells me to enter. I walk in, but don't see anyone. Half the lights are off making it hard to see.  "The big one at the end," I hear Eleanor whisper. I walk up to the big stall and push on the door. I finally understand why she wanted to come to the girls' bathroom to put Ophelia to sleep. There's a small red couch in the corner where she is sitting with Ophelia in her arms. I give her a smile that I hope doesn't look too tense.

"Hey," I mutter softly. "Where do you want me to put this?" I ask, pointing at the playard. She points and mouths the word "hallway." I exit the bathroom, and the first thing I notice is how the air seems to be lighter. We had managed to stop being uncomfortable around each other, but the conversation she overheard seemed to have made us take a step back. I set up the playard with shaky hands as I wonder if I should wait for her out here or if I should go back in the bathroom. The two women I don't recognize who enter the bathroom answer my question. I'll wait out here for her and we'll talk then. Only if she wants to though. I don't particularly want to have this conversation at her brother's rehearsal dinner. Scratch that, I don't want to have this conversation at all. Over the years, Eleanor and I had our share of awkward or angry conversations, but this one appears to be the worst one of all.  We're separated and I just practically admitted to still being in love with her. You can't do much more awkward than that.

She comes out of the bathroom before the two ladies, rolling her eyes. She's holding Ophelia close to her chest with one hand and covering her ears with the other. Even if the music is a lot softer in here, the noise could still wake Ophelia up.

"These two didn't want to shut up," she whispers, pointing her head at the door. I try to muffle my chuckle as Eleanor tries to put Ophelia down in the playard. She places her blanket close to her before pressing a kiss to her forehead. She then looks at me and sighs before sinking down to the ground next to the playard. "You do know at least one of us is stuck here until we leave, don't you?"  she asks a soft but tired smile on her face. I sit down next to her far enough for our knees not to touch but close enough to hear ourselves whisper.

"I won't leave you alone back here. It'll get boring," I answer, smiling down at her.

"Then you know we have to talk about what you said earlier," she announces, turning her face away from mine to look directly in front of her. We both seem to have the bad habit of looking away when saying important things. It makes me feel better in a way, to know I am not the only one who does that.

"Do we, though?" I ask, my voice full of sarcasm. I bump my shoulder in hers, hoping it'll lift the mood, but the way she nods her head tells me she really wants to talk about it. "I meant it," is all I'm able to say.

"I know you did," she sadly answers. Something in her tone scares me. I have no idea what she will say next, it could go either way. I'm not expecting her to tell me she's still in love with me or something, but I think a complete turn down would destroy what is left of my heart. "But you said loved. You said we loved each other. Does it mean that you don't love me anymore?" She's still facing away from me, but I know her heart is racing because mine is too. My heart doesn't beat this fast after I've ran five miles at high speed; she's the only one who gives me such high emotions.

"No," I start, but the look on her face when she turns to face me as soon as the word leaves my mouth makes my breath catch in my throat making me unable to speak. I think I see tears in her eyes, that's when I know I have to speak, even if the next words will determine what happens next. "No, it doesn't mean I don't love you. I'll always love you, El, always," I softly say, looking directly in her eyes. Suddenly, I don't hear the music anymore. The many voices and the many more conversations seem so far away. All I see, all I hear, and all I feel is Eleanor. She keeps staring at me without saying anything until she starts nodding. She nods her head quickly, probably to fight the tears that formed in her eyes.

"There you are! I've been looking for you for about twenty minutes!" Josephine's voice brings us out of our bubble. I shake my head as I look away from Eleanor for the first time since I started speaking.

"What... What's going on?" Eleanor struggles to say.

"Nothing special, but my friend Taylor is about to move to Ontario, so I told her you lived there, and she wanted to talk to you." Her voice goes from super high to a barely audible whisper when she notices Ophelia's sleeping form in the playard.

"Sure, where is she?" Eleanor asks, pushing herself up using my shoulder as a stepping platform. "I'll be right back," she tells me. I nod, promising to stay here until she comes back.

It doesn't take long for her to return. Turns out, Taylor is moving to Sault Ste. Marie, which is about six hours away from Windsor, so Eleanor didn't have much to say to Jo's poor friend who is still uninformed about Ontario.

"They've got a good MJ team, though," I stated when Eleanor told me that.

"That's what I told her," she answered, laughing. I started chuckling too, but we were quickly unstoppable when Eleanor said that Taylor didn't sound impressed.

"I'll always love you too," she says when we finally manage to stop laughing. She rests her head on my shoulder and closes her eyes, indicating that she doesn't want an answer to what she just said. We leave shortly after that when Thomas finds us half asleep in the hallway.

"Remember what you asked me when we got here about taking Ophelia to your mothers' for a few nights?" Eleanor asked as I parked the car in front of her parents' house. I carefully nod, stopping every movement. "Well, maybe after the wedding you could," she adds, raising her shoulders.

"Thank you," I whisper. She nods, a soft smile on her face.

"Good night, Ben. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Night Ella."