My thoughts

Random thoughts

There are moments in my life where I've forgotten my terrible and nasty past.

Where I've been truly happy....but that's gone now. I'm not a little kid anymore, I need to face the truth of what happened. I can't keep running away before I explode. I hide in my room to escape everything. I stay up late to make sure everyone is safe I don't care if it hurts me I need them safe. I can't have another heartbreak like that again.

I don't want to fail them like I've failed the others in my life. I don't to succeed and be better but with my mental state I don't see that happening. What if my therapist puts me in a ward with crazy people? Or put me on a ton of meds? Or she gives up on me? Like everyone else. I don't even know why I'm trying to help myself when I should just end it all and not be a bother anymore. I can't do anything right. I won't become an English teacher no matter how hard I try I'm not smart enough. I'll only waste money and be in crippling debt and my family will hate me forever for not being smart enough.