All I Need

五

Namjoon sighed as he looked at the number on his calculator.

He moved to his notebook and wrote at the bottom of the page,

520 cals total.

He put his pen down and opened safari on his PC. He needed to burn the calories he consumed today.

He looked through numerous workouts and looked over various proana sites.

He wrote down tricks and tips in his notebook. His focus was completely concentrated on the current task.

If I don't burn the calories, I'll gain. If I gain the members will hate me more. If the members hate me, so will the fans.

I gotta loose the weight. Now.

.

Namjoon woke up to a splitting headache as well as a sore body. He looked to the source of the noise that woke him up. He picked up his phone and answered the call.

"Eomma?" Namjoon's raspy voice asked as he rubbed his eyes.

"My birthday?" Namjoon said as he shot up straighter in shock.

It is my birthday! How could I forget?

Namjoon soon finished his call with his mom and started to get ready. As he took his shower he realized that none of the members have said a thing. He can hear them around the dorm getting ready, but before one of them would wake him up with hugs and birthday wishes.

Am I being selfish to expect them to remember?

Could they really have forgotten my birthday like me?

They usually remember...

I shouldn't jump to conclusions too soon! It's still the morning!

.

Namjoon locked the door to his studio and fell into his seat. He heard the other members go into their rooms for the night and with each door shutting, it was another punch to his heart.

Tears fell down his cheeks and he took his pants off to his knees. He brought his blade to his thighs and began to cut the skin.

His shoulders shook and quiet sobs could be heard.

"Why the fuck am I even alive if no one cares about me?" He whispered to himself.

No one even remembers me it seems.

Not even I remember me.